As high schools around the country look for ways to help students meet the two-year foreign language requirement, Fort Scott and Uniontown have come up with an innovative way to offer a new exciting option by pooling their resources to hire a new teacher for “pirate talk” classes at both highschools.

“It was really hard to find a teacher qualified to teach pirate speak,” said a school administrator who was hard to identify on this particular date. “Especially because most people who are good at speaking pirate, are usually looking for watery waves and less amber grain. But we are proud to announce that we’ve managed to procure the services of Captain Barnaby Blackwater as a teacher for the 2025 to 2026 school year.”

When asked about the compensation package offered Mr. Blackwater, the administrator seemed a big hesitant and mumbled something that sounded like “rum, doubloons, and more rum…” but it wasn’t clear exactly what they were trying to say.

Mr. Blackwater agreed to a short interview to answer some questions.

Captian Barnaby Blackwater, what convinced you to give up the high seas to come teach our high school students how to speak like a pirate?

Arrr, that be a fine question, matey! Truth be told, sailin’ the high seas be grand, but when the good folk o’ Bourbon County waved doubloons and barrels o’ their finest rum under me nose, ol’ Barnaby couldn’t resist!

Mind ye, I’m still scratchin’ me beard ’bout the notable absence o’ oceans ’round Kansas—makes sailin’ me ship, the Salty Grammar, mighty tricky—but the thought o’ teachin’ landlocked lads and lasses the sweet tongue o’ piracy warmed me black heart. And between you an’ me, I’ve a notion to recruit a few sturdy seniors to crew me ship once their diplomas be in hand! Harrr-harr-harr!

Some people say that learning pirate speak isn’t comparable to learning a foreign language and students should be required to learn more traditional languages. What do you think of those claims?

Arrrr, poppycock and bilgewater, says I! Pirate speak be as foreign as any tongue sailed across the seven seas. Why, me hearties, Pirate speak is brimmin’ with culture, tradition, and adventure—enough to put French or Spanish to shame!

Besides, when was the last time ye heard o’ French helpin’ ye find buried treasure, or Spanish teachin’ ye how to properly swing a cutlass and shout fearsome insults at yer foes, eh?

Will Pirate Speak help students get positions in the job market?

Arrr! A wise query indeed, matey! O’ course Pirate speak be useful in the job market—more useful than a parrot that can recite poetry, I’ll wager!

Think o’ the skills these young buccaneers’ll master: assertive communication (“Hand over the doubloons, ye scallywag!”), leadership (“Hoist the mainsail and ready the cannons!”), negotiation (“Five barrels o’ rum or I be walkin’ away!”), an’ teamwork (“All hands on deck, ye salty seadogs!”).

Plus, should traditional jobs fail ’em, there’s always plenty o’ room aboard me ship, the Salty Grammar. Ol’ Captain Blackwater always be lookin’ for hearty new recruits with a flair fer proper Pirate speak! Harrr-harr!