Caitlin Clark became a household name last year when she set records in the Division 1, college women’s basketball league.  As a player for the University of Iowa, she is the first female to have consecutive 1000-point seasons, setting multiple records with that college.  When she left the university to join the Indiana Fever of the Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA), the media-hype followed. As she became the face of the WNBA by appearing in commercials with Nike, Gatorade and State Farm Insurance, she also was disparaged for getting all the attention other female players never had received.  Who did this young up-start think she was?

Caitlin refused to speak negatively against other players when they publicly criticized her.  Soon, they realized that she, single-handedly, was filling arenas wherever she played, and their popularity was soaring because of her skills. Rookie players now were being given a chance to play, whereas in the past they were buried on the bench.

The basketball phenom attended Dowling Catholic High School in Iowa.  Her former coach, Kristen Meyer, spoke about her former player and how important the faith component was for her to attend that school.  “She knows her gifts are a gift from God.”

According to “Tales From the NBA,” Clark has been recognized as the “girl counterpart to Stephen Curry.”  Dave and I now pay to watch her games on television.  The other night, the announcer said this about Clark: “She makes other people look better with her assists.”  Caitlyn still scores points, although not like she did at the collegiate level. Now, she sets records for the times she finds another player on the court and passes the ball to her so her teammate can score, sometimes even when she could take a shot herself.

Caitlin is a leader, and let’s face it.  Effective leaders are in short supply.  Today, employers speak about the difficulty of finding/developing a good leader, and they are frustrated because of it. From baseball to a manufacturing plant to a marketing expert, those in management have shared with me that they “can’t find anyone qualified.”

These employers think they see potential in a worker and attempt to elevate him/her to a leadership position, only to find that those people lack the skills necessary.  They cannot hold anyone accountable, fail to see needs as they arise, and set no example of dedication and hard work.  These employees could learn from Caitlin who sets an example of one willing to elevate her teammates by helping them do better.

Our best role model for this is Jesus Christ who came to serve and to set an example for us to do likewise.  In Mark 10: 43-45, we read Jesus’ words: “…whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”      

He, God in human flesh, the night before he was crucified, washed the feet of his disciples, an act of humility and selflessness, and one typically performed by slaves for their masters.  He made his disciples better men by setting an example for them.  There’s no better way for a true leader to lead.  Caitlin Clark is proving that true.  As Christians, we need to do likewise.

In a scene from a movie I recently watched, the lead actor said, “You can’t rebuild a friendship without acknowledging what destroyed it.”  Losing a friend hurts.   I know.  What once seemed to be indestructible suddenly is shattered.  (S)he said something that makes you question the foundation on which your friendship was built.  You thought rock.  Your friend decided sand.

Let’s face it.  A great friendship—not just a good one–requires much.  Time (the ability to pick up where you left off, no matter how many weeks/months have passed, with no hint of guilt). Focused attention.  Empathy.  Majoring on the majors.  Putting your own needs aside.  And forgiveness, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.  I am blessed with friends from across the country as well as here locally.  I respect our differences and cherish our times together.  I call them my forever-friends, but I know the pain in having those relationships come to an end.

My best friend in grade school and I parted ways in junior high. We both entered public school after eight years in a Catholic school. We were besties.  Shared secrets, including boy-crushes.  Spent almost every Friday night roller-skating.  Tons of sleepovers.  Took turns leading each other around while one kept her eyes closed.  Nerdy?  You betcha.

But something changed in that junior high.  My friend got in with the popular crowd, and I did not.  I wanted to be in that group in the worst way, but my neediness, I’m sure, was a turn-off (that and a multitude of other issues).  With whom would I talk about the latest guy who had nothing to do with me?  Hold hands with as I skated backwards in an oval on those Friday nights?  Prevent me from walking into a tree when I pretended to be blind?

A couple of years ago, we had a chance to discuss what happened to our relationship.  Typical for most breakups, my gal-pal vividly remembered attempts to keep our friendship alive, none of which I shared.  I had a very different version of that ninth-grade year.  I imagine the truth lies somewhere in the middle of our two memories.

Sometimes, friendships dissolve painfully, and other times friendships are not meant to be. Proverbs 13:20 warns us of those times: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”  Other friendships need to end because God wants us to put our attention and energy somewhere else.  That, of course, does not mean that we become enemies or do not wish the best for the other person.

In the Bible, the story of David and Jonathan is one that regularly surfaces when friendship is discussed. Jonathan was the son of King Saul who, out of jealousy, sought to murder the newly-appointed king, David.  Jonathan’s loyalty to his friend was unwavering, warning David of his father’s intent to kill him and giving David his own robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt, items which would help to save his life.

In 1 Samuel 18, we read just how solidified their friendship was: “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”  To be loved by a friend “as to his own soul” is a special gift, but how much greater it would be to have that kind of love to share as well as to receive!  Sometimes, all we need to do is determine to knit our soul to someone else.  Finding a forever-friend is worth the effort.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

Why John?

 

The Love Test: When serving dessert, love will always give the other person the biggest portion. I wouldn’t have any trouble giving my friend the biggest piece of raisin pie, but I’m pretty sure I’d give myself the biggest piece of French Silk. I’m just being honest.

 

When Jesus was dying on the cross in excruciating pain, his mind was not on himself. He knew His death would accomplish the final sacrifice for the sins of mankind. He also knew that His widowed mother would need someone to deeply love her and take care of her. John (the apostle of love) was the only disciple standing near the cross witnessing the crucifixion. Through eyes of compassion, Jesus saw His precious mother Mary also  standing by the cross with three other devoted women. The first words Jesus spoke from the cross were addressed to His heart-broken mother: “When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple He loved, He said to her, ‘Dear woman, here is your son.’ And He said to His disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from then on this disciple took her into his home“ (John 19:26 NLT).

 

Jesus entrusted John to take care of Mary. But why John? Why not Peter, James, or any of the other eight disciples? Well, for one thing, they were all absent. Since John didn’t quit, run away, or hide from the crucifixion, his actions proved that he was compelled by love. He truly understood Jesus’ teachings on love. John grasped the fact that Jesus loved him deeply, even though he was not perfect in everything he did. Therefore, John was chosen to take Mary into his home and provide for her. Jesus wanted his mother to be cared for by someone who knew how to receive and give love.

 

John was not AWOL at the crucifixion. He didn’t choose the easy route and cop out because he allowed love to compel him to do the right thing. Also, God needed John the Beloved to write about what he experienced and witnessed. We’ll never know how many people have surrendered their lives to Jesus due to reading the Gospel of John. Through his authorship of the Gospel of John, the Epistles of 1 John, 2 John, 3, John, and the Book of Revelation, we have a clearer understanding of faith, truth, hope, and love.

 

In his writings, John referred to himself as, “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” John 13:23 NLT: “The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table.” John 20:2 NLT: “She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved…” John 21:7 NLT: “Then the disciple Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It’s the Lord!’ As believers, we too, can say with confidence, “I am the disciple whom Jesus dearly loves.” God is no respecter of persons; we believe that because of Peter‘s message in Acts 10:34 NLT: “I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism.” What joy to be loved like this!

 

As a disciple of Christ, John experienced and understood the importance and power of the love of God. “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face Him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world” (1 John 4:16-17 NLT). This would be a lovely scripture to memorize.

 

The Key: With much love, John always gave Mary the biggest piece of pie.

When I was little, some insensitive person somewhere came up with the cruel notion that the best way to pick teams was to choose two captains who would, in front of the entire class, select their teammates, one at a time.  Everyone crowded around, desperate to be the first one picked.  They were the special ones.  For those unathletic or poor spellers who predictably were called last, can you imagine?  If you can, I am so sorry.  No doubt, had there been this type of selection for a trigonometry or geography contest, I would have had, for good reason, a taste of this putrid medicine.

I just happened to do well in the athletic/spelling areas, and for that reason (or the fact that I probably would have had a dramatic meltdown which no one wanted to watch), I was chosen towards the top.  I cringe when I think of how those called last must have felt.  Was I oblivious?  Embarrassing to admit, but I certainly don’t remember ever demanding a kinder means of team selection be used. I apologize.  (That being said, if you read my book, you know that I have had my share of not being good enough.)

I wonder if any of Jesus’ disciples ever felt like that.

John MacArthur, a respected theologian, writes about the disciples in his book Twelve Ordinary Men.  Of the dozen apostles, I find myself drawn to Andrew, Simon Peter’s older brother, who even though the first of the twelve to be called into Jesus’ inner circle, the one who introduced his sibling to this man from Galilee, then had to sit back and watch as Little Bro got most of the attention.

Andrew gets little Bible time.  Peter, on the other hand, fills pages and even two letters and totally overshadows his brother as one who spent quality time with the Messiah.  Never do we read that Andrew was jealous.  Whereas Peter addressed multitudes when he spoke, Andrew was more of a one-on-one type of guy.  Apart from where the twelve are listed in the New Testament, Andrew’s name appears only nine times, most of those with little fanfare.

Still, Andrew brought individuals to Christ.  He brought the young boy with the five barley loaves and two fish, recognizing a potential miracle for feeding the thousands, when the other followers remained overwhelmed with the problem.  Nothing in scripture indicates that Andrew bragged about his action and derided the others for missing the obvious.

When some Greeks (Gentiles) asked Philip if he would introduce them to Jesus, Philip, for some reason, came to Andrew with the request, a request Andrew was pleased to fill. If Andrew ever addressed a crowd, we are not told so, but I have to wonder if the majority of Christians aren’t a lot more like Andrew than Peter.

We see a problem and respond.  If someone needs a favor, we are there. We take cookies to our new neighbor or soup to a sick friend, drive an elderly person to a doctor’s appointment, encourage those who, unlike us, evangelize large crowds and always are prepared to share the good news of Jesus Christ.  We don’t wait for someone to bless us; we just help…with no public accolades (sometimes, not even private ones).

Andrew is proof that, although the limelight has its place, many times—most times?– it’s the little things that count. What little thing can you do today to make a difference?

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Hayward Tucker

 

I had dipped out some chocolate ice cream into a bowl, shoved in the spoon, and then left it on the counter while I did a quick chore. When I returned and took the first bite, my lower lip stuck solidly to the frozen spoon. (The stories about little kids being told to lick a frosty flag pole suddenly flashed through my mind.) I couldn’t believe this painful disaster was happening to me in my own kitchen by my own hand! Before I could get my lips and clinging spoon to the water faucet, the spoon fell off my lips and took the skin with it. I immediately looked in the mirror and discovered that my lipstick was running. Except I wasn‘t wearing any — it was blood! I was surprised to find that my ice cream-eating experience had ended so very badly.

 

Life is full of surprises — some are good and some are bad. When the bottom drops out of our world, that’s when we look up and reach out to the One who can rescue us. We all live with the challenge of pressing on in the bad times (trials). In the Old Testament, we find that David didn’t cave-in during hard times. When David and his mighty warriors returned to Ziklag (their headquarters), they found it had been burned with fire and all their women and children were taken captive. The men wept until they had no more strength to weep and then, as a bad surprise to David, his own trusted men talked of stoning him. “But David encouraged himself in the Lord his God (1 Samuel 30:6 MEV).

 

Times of calamity can fall on us without any warning. When your shins have been kicked until they’re skinless and you feel like throwing in the towel, throw in a heart-felt prayer instead. David trusted God and knew how to get ahold of Him. And when he did, he and his men found the strength and courage to double down and recover everyone and everything that was stolen. A wishbone does no good when a backbone is what’s needed.

 

Later, David wrote a song of thanksgiving and praise after the Lord delivered him from all his enemies: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior; the one who saves me from violence. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise and He saved me from my enemies” (2 Samuel 22:1-4 NLT).

 

Life’s trials are opportunities for a believer’s faith in God to grow. I don’t particularly like that statement, in fact, I don’t like it at all. But I know it’s true because I’ve personally experienced it. Plus there’s scripture to back it: “My brothers, consider yourselves fortunate when all kinds of trials come your way, for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4 TEV).

 

When God strengthens your backbone and encourages your heart, you’ll come out stronger in the end than at the beginning. The following hymn lyrics were written by G. A. Young:  “God leads His dear children along. Some through the waters, some through the flood. Some through the fire, but all through the Blood. Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song in the night season and all the day long.” Your finest spiritual growth may be the outcome of a painful surprise in your life.

 

The Key: When your lips are skinless and bleeding, God will be your place of healing.

The day started off fine.  On my drive to the dermatologist in Olathe, I spoke to my granddaughter, Montana, who was boarding a plane with her sister-in-law, Julia, and Julia’s two children, a two-year old and a three-month old.  They would land in K.C. and get into their car they had left in the airport parking lot and drive to Ft. Scott.

At the doctor’s office, some skin cancer was removed, and my back was sewn up with several stitches.  There were a few errands to run in K.C., but I needed to be home for my late afternoon, Bible study, Zoom call.  About ten minutes north of Fort Scott, my phone rang.  It was Jenn, Mo’s mother, calling from somewhere in Alabama.  “Where are you?” she asked.  I said that I was on 69, headed home.

Silence…which in this case was not golden.

“Do you need something?” I asked.  She did.  Jenn had looked in her purse and, Surprise! Surprise! There were the keys to the car parked at the K.C. airport.  I told her that I could turn around and pick up my four relatives.  They were to land at 2:30. It was 2:15.                                Stopping in Louisburg to get gas and use the restroom, I managed to drop my credit card (you know, the one that pays all my bills automatically) into the toilet which, at record place, flushed on its own.  Then I hit rush-hour traffic while on the phone, calling to cancel my credit card.  (Yes, talking on the phone while driving.  Illegal and, in this case, unnecessary, since the odds were against anyone getting their hands on my flushed card to use it.)

At the airport, the traffic attendant told me that my gas lid was open and the cap was hanging outside my truck, meaning, I probably had lost quite a bit of fuel driving to the airport.  Mo called and she said that they were delayed because the airline had broken their stroller and she and Julia were trying to scan the Q.R. code—whatever that means—to submit a complaint.  Neither baby had napped the entire day (which did not change on the ride home) and the girls were “starving.”  It was then the deadening agent for my stitches began to wear off.  Not. Good.

I had mapped out my day to time everything perfectly, but “perfectly” in God’s timing can be very different than what I think.  My needs being met or someone else’s needs being met?  A minor inconvenience verses coming to another person’s aid?  Understanding that God continues to give me crazy stories to write about verses a boring, mundane life?

What I didn’t count on was how much of a hassle it is to lose a credit card.  I don’t know how much is too much, but this was close.  However, there were blessings.  When I called to say that I would not be on the Zoom call, others also had conflicts (but did not want to be the one to cancel), so we moved it to the next week.

My granddaughters and I had a wonderful conversation which we would not have had, had they remembered to bring the car key.  When I phoned the billing departments to change my credit card number, everyone got a good laugh from my toilet flushing story, and when I ended my calls with “Have a blessed day,” they told me to have the same.  I know, it’s not like I baptized someone or led them to the Lord, but it made me smile, and sometimes that’s as good as it gets.

Maybe that’s what God had in mind the entire time.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

It’s the Beard

 

My son came home on his day off to do some chores for me. I had a “to-do list” for him and I could tell he enjoyed marking off the tasks as he completed them. I’d suspected that my 29-year-old dishwasher might possibly have a tiny leak, so Aaron removed the front panels to get a good look at everything. There was no apparent leak, but we found icky gooey things and major calcium buildup. In the words of my mom, “I can’t tell it bad enough.” Both of us were appalled and decided that just because the appliance still worked didn’t mean it wasn’t time for a new one! Although the dishwasher still functioned and the exterior looked great, the hidden workings of it were disgusting and  unacceptable. It reminds me of Phyllis Diller’s standup comedy when she said her oven was so dirty she could only bake one cupcake at a time.

 

Jesus had a few things to say about washing the dishes. He was emphasizing that true righteousness and authenticity come from within, not in outward appearances. He was not pleased with how the teachers of religious law and Pharisees were conducting their lives. “How terrible for you, teachers of the law and Pharisees! You pretenders! You clean the outside of the cup and dish. But on the inside you are full of greed. You only want to satisfy yourselves” (Matthew 23:25 NIRV). This scripture is a serious call for all believers to continually examine our hearts and motives rather than focusing only on our  actions. Genuine inner purity and integrity is more important than outer actions.

 

My family and some friends recently attended a Christian comedian show together. A few of us in the combined group didn’t know each other, so there were some introductions before the show started. My friend, Tami, looked at my son and adamantly said, “He looks like you!“ I said, “Yeah, it’s the beard.“

 

It’s been said that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Outward appearances are not a reliable indication of the true character of someone. I find it interesting that the way an individual looks can be revealing or misleading. Generally speaking, we’re all too quick to judge by first impressions. The following is a personal incident dating back to 1979 when I worked in Springfield. I hadn’t been friends with Marilyn, a coworker, very long when she came clean regarding her first impression of me. She said, “When I first saw you, I didn’t like you. I thought you were stuck-up…just by the way you walked. But when you opened your mouth, I knew you weren’t.” I thought her misconception of me, a simple country girl at heart, was fascinating. Apparently, my confident stride on the outside was mistaken for being stuck-up. But the friendly way I talked came from the inside and, thankfully, she changed her opinion after she heard my hillbilly lingo.

 

Jesus continues his weighty lesson on washing the dishes: “You are blind and deaf to your evil. Shouldn’t the one who cleans the outside also be concerned with cleaning the inside? You need to have more than clean dishes; you need clean hearts!” (Matthew 23:26 TPT). The inside heart is more important than outside appearances. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23 NIV).

 

The Key: Keep your heart in pristine condition for it determines whether your dishes are clean or dirty.

When people say that they are working hard to become more like Jesus, I wonder how that plays out.  How many sacrifices of their time, money and talents are necessary to meet that goal, and what is their attitude as they strive to get there?  It took me years to realize that I cannot “do” enough to be Christ-like.  What I can do is “Behold” Jesus by “Being” with him, and then God will help me surrender and “Become” like him. Personally, I’m thrilled that this is God’s job and not mine.  It would be yet another thing at which I fail miserably.

I recently heard a pastor say that surrender cannot happen without transformation, but don’t I need to surrender so that God helps me be transformed?   I cannot undo my addictions or my propensity to anger or my selfishness or my desire to not forgive until I surrender my right to do as I please…which means I would be transformed, right? As long as I crave control, I have no chance of becoming like Jesus because that craving is rooted in my pride and my desire to be in charge instead of allowing God to run my show.

The story in the Bible about the Tower of Babel is applicable today.  “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves…” Get that?  Not for “God” but for “ourselves.”  How many of us seek self-importance instead of allowing God to be the important One in our lives?  We strive to acquire more.  More power.  More money.  More respect.  More happiness.

More. More. More. Meanwhile, there is only striving and no surrender, no transformation.

In Philippians 3:8-14 (MSG), Paul explains how he surrendered. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him…I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself… I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.                Paul was saying that everything fails but Jesus. He’s right.  Everything we strive to accomplish or possess on earth will fade away.  Jesus won’t.  He can’t.

Sometimes, when I’m looking for stories of transformation, I Google “People whose lives were radically changed by Jesus.” Even shock-rocker Alice Cooper speaks about the difference Jesus made in his life.  The list is endless, but the results are all the same: Being with Jesus transforms lives.

How do I know if I’ve surrendered?  If I’ve been transformed?  I will have unspeakable joy and peace and know that life is not about me.  Rather, it’s about the One who created me, the One Who wants me to Be with Jesus so that He will make me Become like him.

In truth, my job is the easy one.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

 

 

I prepared a nice home-cooked meal for our family on Easter. However, I wimped out on making the dessert when I spotted a dozen beautifully-decorated cupcakes at the store. They looked delicious and my sweet tooth started begging, so I purchased them. After our dinner, I placed the cupcakes on the table and all of the adults “passed.” When I asked why nobody ate one, my honest son-in-law responded, “They’re not homemade.“ (My son and daughter didn’t say a word.) When I tried to eat mine, I knew what Levi meant. The cupcake was really pretty and luscious looking, but the frosting tasted like it was made from used motor oil. I won’t do that again. We’ve all heard that “looks can be deceiving.” Those cupcakes were guilty of first-degree deceit.

 

Before Saul became king of Israel, he was described as “a choice and handsome man, and there was not a better-looking man among the children of Israel. From his shoulders and up he was taller than any of the people“ (1 Samuel 9:2 MEV). The Israelites insisted on having a king like the other nations (which was an insult to God). When the prophet Samuel proclaimed Saul as king, he told the people, “…Truly there is none like him among all the people“ (1 Samuel 10:24 MEV).

 

King Saul had the outer qualities and looks of a great ruler. And even though he was taller than all the other men, in matters of the heart, he came up short. He failed his first commission by performing the burnt offering instead of waiting for Samuel to offer it. Saul had a tragic long list of disobedience to God, making rash oaths and stupid decisions without seeking God. Saul was jealous, suspicious, paranoid, and afraid of David because God was with him but had departed from Saul. While David was playing music to soothe the king, Saul attempted to pin him to the wall with his spear. Simply stated, King Saul operated in a deranged state. He looked the part of a king, but his heart was an ugly mess.

 

We often describe people by their outward appearance, e.g., “She’s long, lean, and lanky. He’s tall, dark, and handsome. She‘s ugly as a mud fence. He could stop an eight-day clock.” The Bible specifically describes a giant in 1 Chronicles 20:6 NLT, “there was a man of great stature who had six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot.” The Bible doesn’t mention it, but I imagine this giant was probably hairy and ugly too.

 

In matters of the heart, we can often be mistaken about others. People can’t see what’s in your heart — they can only see what you do. Only God truly knows the heart of a man/woman. Nevertheless, we often describe people by their actions, e.g., “She has a good heart. He has a heart the size of a washtub.” The real truth of how handsome or pretty someone is has to do with his/her heart condition. Even though Mom’s gone, I hear her words of wisdom echoing in my mind: “Pretty is as pretty does.” I’m thankful she kept hammering this proverb into my head — which explains why it’s so lumpy.

 

God alone knows each human heart. “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him (Saul). The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart‘” (1 Samuel 16:7 NLT). Let’s do our part to have a beautiful heart.

 

The Key: It’s OK to be hairy and homely as long as your heart is pure and pretty.

I should have spoken up.  At least then, the long-term damage might have been minimized.  Instead, I chose to stay silent.

No excuse.

While in Walmart this week, I was in the toy section when I overheard a mother in the next aisle holding her ground against her demanding daughter who insisted on getting a toy.  She was reminded that she had “hundreds” of toys at home that she never even played with, so she was not going to get another one.  “I am not buying you that doll.  You have dozens of them already.”  The whining continued, but the mother held her ground.  Yea, Mom!

When they ventured down my aisle, I was surprised to see that this was no toddler.  She was, perhaps, four or five years old.  As more things were pulled from the shelf, the youngster imploring her parent that she “needed” this or “needed” that, Mom held firm.

Tell her that you are proud of her for not allowing her daughter to win, I told myself.  Tell her.  The voice in my head persisted, but I said nothing.

You know what happened next.  As I checked out, the mom/daughter duo pulled their cart up next to mine.  Four toys (one, a doll) sat alongside a quart of milk and a loaf of bread.

NOOOOOOO, I wanted to scream.  Why did you give in to her?  You are creating a monster, a spoiled, “‘No’ doesn’t mean ‘No’” monster.  Of course, you probably already have asked yourself why this mother even brought her child into the toy section if she had no intention of buying her anything.  No doubt, this was not their first Walmart, toy story experience.

What is so hard about having our “no” mean “no” and our “yes” mean “yes”?  The Bible actually addresses that in Matthew 5:37: Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.                                

Our words matter; they should be reliable and sufficient. This scripture does not mean that adding words to our “yes” or “no” is demonic.  Verse 37 simply explains the verses preceding it in which Jesus is saying that we should not swear at all.  We should not have to “swear to God” or “cross my fingers, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye” or even “pinky promise.”

How many times have you heard a parent say, “How many times do I have to tell you…”?  Oh, I don’t know, Parent, probably as many times as you’re going to say it before you, in exasperation, start yelling or smacking or simply give in.  And we wonder why kids become entitled brats.

Proverbs 3:12 tells us that the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.  Discipline is necessary, Readers, and I have to believe that the easiest way to teach our children right from wrong is to say what we mean and mean what we say.  If we’re going to say “No,” our “No” should have no Plan B.  Start early, and the lesson will be much less painful.

In “Empowering Parents.com,” several suggestions are given to make sure our kids do not grow up entitled.  Here are three:

1.  Don’t get pulled into fights with your child.

2.  Know that parenting is not a popularity contest.

3.  Saying “No” to your child takes practice.

Any one of those would have prevented what I witnessed in Walmart.  Not only would the child have learned some discipline, the mom would have as well.

 

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

 

 

When I moved out of the house, right before I turned 19, Dad gave me a hammer. This was not just any ordinary hammer; it was one of his that had broken off five inches below the eye. Rather than discard it, he had kept it around. Forty-seven years later, I still have and use this hammer every time I hang a piece of décor. I love this special tool because it perfectly fits in my hand and doesn’t weigh as much as a normal one, enabling me to use it easier. I like to share the story of the weird short hammer to those who see me use it.

 

Dad believed in me and I, in turn, believed in him. The Saturday in 1967, when my folks took me to Springfield to shop music stores, changed my life forever. I’d been begging for a piano but I couldn’t play a lick. Dad bought a new piano for me and I was the happiest girl in the whole USA! In talking about the purchase of my piano, in his later years, Dad told me, “That was the best investment I ever made.”

 

Dad loved me, taught me life lessons, and instilled a love for God in my heart. He taught me how to fill the washer fluid, check the oil, and radiator level. He told me to drive with the traffic. If the temp light came on, pull over and stop. If the engine light came on, I should be able to get to a short destination. He taught me how to ride a horse, carry plenty of cash, be on time, and shine my shoes. By spending time with him, I knew him like the back of my hand.

 

Was he a perfect man? No. Was he the perfect dad? Maybe not — but he was perfect to me. Because of his devotion to God and faithfulness to my brother and I, he nailed the definition of a great father. “The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them” (Proverbs 20:7 NLT).

 

It’s no surprise that fathers have a profound influence on their children. In the Old Testament, we see that some sons walked in their father’s footsteps. “Uzziah…began to rule over Judah. He did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight, just as his father, Amaziah had done” (2 Kings 15:1,3 NLT). “Jotham son of Uzziah began to rule over Judah…. Jotham did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight. He did everything his father, Uzziah, had done” (2 Kings 15:32,34 NLT).

 

To all the great and godly fathers with wayward children, don’t despair. As long as there’s breath, there’s prayer and hope for change. And please don’t take unwarranted blame — God gave humans a free will on purpose. Remember Adam (the first father)? In the beginning he had two sons, Cain and Able. One chose poorly and one chose righteously and both had the same father.

 

On April 11, 2012, I was preparing to leave, so I kissed Dad on the cheek. He immediately pulled out his billfold and handed me a ten-dollar bill and said, “Here, take this. I might need you to get me something.“ He died two days later and I still have that $10 in my billfold. The last thing he did was give.

 

Happy Father’s Day to all the hero dads who provide the wind beneath your children’s wings. You are essential, valued, honored, and loved as a very special blessing.

 

The Key: I don‘t have Dad, but I have his hammer. And that will do for now.