Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

Roaring ‘20s Christmas

My mom was born in Dade County, Missouri on December 17, 1923, the thirteenth child and only girl. (It wasn’t unusual to have large families back then.) Mom shared many stories about her life and I always enjoyed hearing them. She said, “We were poor, but we didn’t know it because everybody was just like us.” As a little girl, she played with a rock and pretended it was a doll. There was plenty of food to eat, enough clothes, and a roof over her head. There was plenty of love and laughter, family and cousins galore, and that caused her to feel rich on the inside. I asked about her Christmases as a youngster and she said, “I usually got a dime and an orange.”

After Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem, and after the proper amount of days, it was time for Mary and Joseph to take Him to the Temple in Jerusalem. “Then it was time for their purification offering, as required by the law of Moses after the birth of a child, so His parents took Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord. So they offered the sacrifice required in the law of the Lord — ‘either a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons‘“ (Luke 2:22,24 NLT). The Old Testament further clarifies what animals may be brought for this particular offering: “If a woman cannot afford to bring a lamb, she must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons“ (Leviticus 12:8 NLT). Here we find evidence that Mary and Joseph were poor. But I suspect they felt rich on the inside.

Based on Matthew 2:16, most scholars believe Jesus was about two years old when the wise men visited Him in Bethlehem. “They [wise men] entered the house and saw the child with His mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh” (Matthew 2:11 NLT).

These three gifts are an interesting study. Since these wealthy men were wise and  determined to find the Savior of the world, we can be sure their gifts were perfect for the occasion. Gold represented wealth and was a highly-valued treasure by everyone. The Ark of the Covenant was overlaid with pure gold and the mercy seat of the Tabernacle was of gold. John the Revelator tells us, “And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass (Revelation 21:21 NKJV). The gift of gold supplied the family’s financial needs and also represented Jesus’ Kingship as the Prince of Peace.

Frankincense is a fragrant resin from a tree which was quite valuable. Because of its lovely perfume and its association with worship in the temple, it would make sense for the Magi to include it as a gift to the Messiah. The gift of frankincense represented His Deity as the Son of God.

Myrrh has a medicinal quality and the Jews used it to offer pain relief to those who were suffering physically. Myrrh mixed with wine was offered to Jesus as He agonized on the cross, but He refused it. Myrrh was also used in embalming (ref. John 19:39-40). The gift of myrrh was a solemn foreshadowing of Jesus’ death and burial.

The Key: Because Jesus is our Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace, we can joyfully celebrate Christmas because we’re rich on the inside.

For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. – Isaiah 53:2-5

Seven hundred years before Jesus was born, his entry into the world was predicted by Isaiah. We who celebrate Christmas, focusing on our exquisitely decorated trees, our lavish presents, enough food to feed our local community, and perhaps even our yearly trip to a church service are not exactly what Jesus had in mind when he entered this sin-filled world.

He came to be what we need to glorify Him. Perhaps that’s why the details of his birth are what really matter during this holiday season.

Christ was not born under a beautifully decorated tree near a fireplace but in a feeding trough. The first smells to enter his nostrils were not cinnamon potpourri or a freshly roasted turkey but animal manure. He came not to receive gifts but to be our gift, yet we seem to ignore that as we spend hours preparing a feast (that is devoured in 30 minutes) or go into credit card debt for gifts people probably don’t even need.

We forget Jesus’ importance.

We forget how he suffered for us.

And suffer he did. Matthew 20:28 tells us that Jesus came to serve. He did that by rescuing us from ourselves, from our sins, starting at his birth.

Jesus willingly left Heaven to come to earth, not to live in a palace, tended to by servants, but to live as we would never choose to live, to pay the penalty for our sins and offer us freedom and peace and eternity with him in Heaven.

Jesus did not show up for a celebration. He chose to suffer to be our savior.

So, on whom do we focus when we revel in the gift side of Christmas?

God loves when we serve, not just at Christmas but daily, and He provides those opportunities in some crazy, simple ways.

Yesterday, for example, Dave and I were driving home from church when we noticed an elderly man on a side street, struggling to catch his dog. The more the man limped toward the dog, the further the animal ran from him. As we passed the street, I told Dave that I thought we should turn around and see if we could help.

By that time, the old man had given up and was headed back up the road, clearly struggling to walk. His runaway pooch was at the end of the street, which is where I got out of the car and yelled, asking the man if this was his dog. It was. The closer I walked toward the animal, the more it retreated, then stopped, waiting for me to move towards it, ultimately ending up beside the man who thanked us over and over.

I said, “Merry Christmas,” and we left. Such a simple thing.

I pray that this Christmas, our celebration of what Jesus willingly did for us will become a festival of overflowing joy, not so we get caught up in all the worldly acts of craziness surrounding it but so we can pass on to others our gifts of service. Our way of honoring our King.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

Red Pants on a Flag Pole

Many years ago, a family friend erected a hefty flag pole in our yard because he knew I wanted to fly the U.S. flag. The pole has been in need of some repair work and new hardware for awhile. So one day my son Aaron loaded the pole into his truck bed so he could work on it at his house. The pole extended several feet past the tailgate, which meant a red flag was needed for safety purposes as he transported it down the highway. I walked into the kitchen where the family was having a problem-solving discussion. Aaron asked if I had a red rag to tie onto the end of the flag pole. I knew I didn’t have a red cloth or towel, so I went to the closet and cleverly found something that would work great! I enthusiastically presented the item to my son. He took one look at it and asked, “Where do you wear these?” I said, “At home in the winter.“ I smiled to myself as he drove away with my red velour leggings zip-tied to the pole and blowing in the wind.

The term, “red flag” is a metaphor for a warning sign of a problem. A red flag at the beach means danger, no swimming allowed. Some communities fly a red flag when it’s too windy and dry to burn anything outside.

Believers have internal red flags that can pop up inside us when we’re in the middle of doing life. All too often these red flags are overlooked, ignored, or disregarded. One of the wonderful and necessary works of the Holy Spirit is to help guide us.

All Christ followers have the Holy Spirit living inside them. We aren’t even able to follow Christ without the Holy Spirit’s help. He will wave a red flag telling us that we need to apologize, repent, change our mind, change our direction, re-think a bad decision, forgive others, give mercy, etc. When we offend the Holy Spirit, our conscience hurts us and we no longer have peace. “Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?“ (1 Corinthians 3:16 NLT). When we’re in close communion with the Spirit of God who dwells inside us, we know when we’ve sinned against God or offended others. We experience an uncomfortable red flag in our soul when peace makes its exit.

Jesus told His disciples, “If you love Me, obey My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate [Comforter, Encourager, Counselor] who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive Him, because it isn’t looking for Him and doesn’t recognize Him. But you know Him, because He lives with you now and later will be in you [and is in you]” (John 14:15-17 NLT). We can think of the Holy Spirit as our defense attorney because He advocates and intercedes for us 24-7.

There’s a lot of new and strange ideologies in the world today. It’s a good thing Jesus asked His Father to send us the Holy Spirit to lead us into what’s true, right, and biblical.  Without Him we might be tempted to fall for some of the crazy stuff today’s culture is  sucking out of their thumbs.

The Key: Watch out for a red flag — it could be your neighbor’s pants.

Last week, I wrote about our camping trip to the Dunes, sand hills in California that cover over 800 acres and rise 500 feet in the air.  Crazy drivers race up and down the mountains or zigzag their way through the sand canyons.  Ambulances await at the entrance for the call that they are needed, a common occurrence.

Our family gets there the week before Thanksgiving to find a level spot at the top of the camping arena.  From there, they can see hundreds of motor homes and campers scattered across the terrain.  Those who attempt to camp on higher ground frequently find that their trucks, pulling their RV’s, do not have the appropriate tires for sufficient traction.  The men in our group were called upon not a few times to tow someone out.

The first day Dave and I were there, we watched as an inexperienced driver needed help.  His dual-wheeled truck, towing a large R.V., was stuck, so Haley, one of the men in our group, pulled his truck in front of the stranded one, tied on a heavy-duty tow strap, and explained to the other driver how he needed to “gun it” when Haley raised his arm.  Three times, the man failed to obey.  He waited for the pull of the strap before he pressed on the gas instead of pushing on the gas first.  Haley’s truck now was spinning its wheels, sand spraying everywhere.

The fourth attempt, the man unattached his RV, did what he was told, and was pulled out of the sand.  Had he just listened and obeyed the first time!

Sometimes when in a rut, we, like the stranded man in this story, try to dig ourselves out instead of relying on other’s expertise.  After all, we know better, right?  Who needs GPS when common sense tells us how to get to our desired destination (says Hubby)?  Why should we listen to the doctor’s instructions to rest when we have umpteen pressing errands to run?  What’s wrong with listening to a divorce lawyer instead of a Christian counselor?

It’s no different in our spiritual life.  How many times have I, when I am in a mess, called a friend instead of calling God to help me out, even though my friend’s advice is anything but godly.  “You don’t deserve to be treated like that”; “I hope you gave her a piece of your mind”; “Don’t ever say you’re sorry.”

In 1 Kings 12, we read a tragic story of King Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, making a bad choice instead of asking God for advice.  After Solomon’s death, Rehoboam was in line to be king. His job was to unify Judah and Israel. The Israelites begged him to lighten the workload Solomon had laid on them.  After consulting the elders who had served Solomon for advice, he ignored their answer: “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.”

Rehoboam instead listened to his guy-pals who said the yoke should be heavier, not lighter. The Israelites rebelled.  Instead of unifying the two countries, his actions divided them.  One of the saddest scriptures is found in 2 Chron. 12:13-14 which describes Rehoboam’s demise: “And he did evil, for he did not set his heart to seek Yahweh.”                                                        Sometimes pride gets in our way and doesn’t allow us to yield to the opinion of a more knowledgeable person.  And we suffer.  But not turning to God?  Only if we wish to dig ourselves into a deeper rut should we ever make that choice.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Hayward Tucker

Jesus, Jackhammers, and Elvis

Just so you know, the results of my MRI were fine.  Now back to the beginning. I didn’t research what all goes on with having an MRI, but I knew there was nothing for me to do before or during the procedure. I’m certainly acquainted with colonoscopies, so I thought the MRI would be a piece of cake. As I completed the questionnaire at the hospital and read, “Are you claustrophobic?“ I checked the “NO” box. (In retrospect, I now believe that was a big fat lie.) The female technician was very cordial and she instructed me to remove my watch and a certain undergarment. No problem. Lying flat on my back, she asked if I preferred silent headphones or headphones with Spotify. She said she could play anything I wanted, so I asked to listen to Elvis. So into the tube I went. I closed my eyes knowing I’d tolerate it better without seeing my enclosed surroundings.

After I got in there, I soon realized it was hot and stuffy. Using my outside voice I said, “It’s hot in here!” She turned the fan on high speed and asked if that was better. I responded, “No, not really.” So she immediately brought me out of the tube. I knew I was in serious trouble if something didn’t drastically improve. I asked, “Are we the only two in here?” She said, “Yes.” So I candidly said, “OK, I’m taking off my socks, shoes, and jeans.“ She responded that she would cover me with a sheet. I said, “No, I don’t want a sheet.“ So back into the tube I went with my eyes closed. I’d done everything I knew to do and could tell I still needed help beyond myself. So I desperately prayed a simple short prayer, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, help me.” You know, there’s something wonderful and powerful about that Name.

The Elvis music was an excellent distraction as it began playing softly. Thankfully, I no longer felt like a smoldering hotdog suffocating in a bun, but I still kept my eyes closed. As the jackhammers began banging out their varied rhythms for about 20 minutes, I gratefully realized that Jesus had indeed answered my prayer. I had lost my pants, but not  my marbles, and that was a supernatural victory.

A few days after the procedure, I read a fitting scripture that I personalized: “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine. When you go through deep waters (the tube), I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT). I definitely felt His presence while the jackhammers, accompanied by Elvis, serenaded me. Jesus said, “And remember that I am always with you until the end of time” (Matthew 28:20 GW).

I didn’t need grace as I drove to the hospital, nor as I entered the building, nor as I filled out the paperwork. But I sure needed “tube grace” and I got it in that precise moment. “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most” (Hebrews 4:16 NLT). God didn’t help me early or late, but right on time. I’ve always been fond of Isaiah 41:10 and I experienced this promise during my tube adventure: “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” God will not fail us nor abandon us at any stress point in our lives. There is strength in the Lion of Judah and in the name of the Lord.

The Key: I wonder how many MRI tubes Jesus has climbed into for all those with claustrophobia?

I love the story of the woman who woke up one Monday morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. “Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.” She did and she had a wonderful day. On Tuesday she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “Hmm,” she said, “I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.” She did, and she had a great day. Wednesday morning she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. “Well,” she said, “today I’m going to wear my hair in a ponytail.” So she did, and she had a fun day. On Thursday she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head. “Yes!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have to fix my hair today!”

I thought of that story this past Thanksgiving when Dave and I joined family members and their friends at the dunes in Dumont, California.  They all had spent several days there in their RV’s, riding their “toys” (dirt bikes and side-by-sides) over humongous hills of sand that stretched for miles. We were the newcomers, not nearly as daring (actually, I was terrified) and certainly much older than they.                                     Since Dave’s daughter, Nikki, her husband Dave and the other four families had spent the last 30 Thanksgivings there, they understood the terrain’s difficulties. More than once, they towed less-seasoned campers out of deep trenches of sand.                                     They shared food, tools, and “toys” with each other.  No one complained about the sand that filled their clothes, covered their hair and faces or found its way into their beds.  Our eyes were crusted and our mouths gritty as day after day the sand whirled around us.  Still, everyone loved the adventure enough to ignore this minor annoyance.                   I need to look at all of life with that perspective.  Not surprisingly, this past Sunday Dave and I tried a new church, and the sermon was on the book of Psalms and how the writers of the 150 chapters praised God through the good and the bad.  One strand of hair or sand-matted hair. It mattered not.                                                                Did you know that you can change your life by changing the way you think?  By finding reasons to praise God, for example, we will find the promise in Isaiah 26:3 (NLT): You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you. A mind filled with thoughts fixed on God will produce a heart filled with praise, a powerful tool in our spiritual arsenal as we traverse life’s challenges.                                          Praise brings healing to our spirit. It provides a conduit by which the Father conveys deliverance and blessing. With the Christmas season approaching, let’s all find reason to appreciate the gritty annoyances of life as we invite God to pull us out of our deepest trenches that mire us in stress and anxiety.  He waits to be given the chance.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

The Mockingbird is my favorite because of its singing abilities. I sat on the porch one morning and was wonderstruck at the setlist of this amazing bird! I couldn’t count all the different songs he was performing. His breath control was unbelievable, with strong projection and endless variety. He put me to shame with his early-morning enthusiasm. The song “Mockingbird” is one of my favorites from the 70s, written and recorded by singer songwriters James Taylor and Carly Simon, then husband and wife duo.

Poor, poor, pitiful Job was extremely disappointed with his so-called friends who came to comfort him. I don’t know how many days they hung around, but he was fed up with hearing them sing the same ol’ song day after day. He finally said, “I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Won’t you ever stop blowing hot air? What makes you keep on talking? I could say the same things if you were in my place. I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you. But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief“ (Job 16:2-5 NLT). Wow, just wow.

I wonder if the statement, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” originated from the Book of Job. The first seven days and nights, they acted like true friends as they simply sat on the ground with him and didn’t say a word because they knew that his suffering was beyond words. But after waiting a week, Job’s friends began to take turns giving unqualified speeches. They tried to convince Job that he had sinned when, in fact, he was blameless and a man of complete integrity who feared God and stayed away from evil. Nevertheless, the threesome gave the same wrong song-and-dance day after day.

Eliphaz was the first friend to sing his song of criticism to Job. Then the next verse of insults was blasted by Bildad. Last, but not least, chiming in off-key was Zophar with verse three. He basically sings, “You ain’t nothin’ but a windbag, just a cryin’ all the time” (see  Job 15:2 NLT). This torture trio stunk to high heaven and they just kept doing encores without applause. Job was greatly disturbed and annoyed with his friends who didn’t have a clue that they were hurting more than helping. Instead of pouring oil and wine into Job’s wounded body and soul, the three stooges poured salt in it. Job needed encouragement, not an unsolicited theology lesson.

I’ve never had a friend fail to be true blue. My friends have stuck like glue with me through thick and thin and they are blessings straight from God. Reba McEntire recorded a song entitled, “God and My Girlfriends.“ Here’s the refrain: “God and my girlfriends, they’re always there when I’m feeling down, always around, lifting me up. I love how they know me, forgive me, and show me again and again I can depend on God and my girlfriends. Good times and bad, happy or sad, what would I do if I didn‘t have God and my girlfriends.”

As Christ followers, let’s determine to be a faithful friend who sticks close to our friends when they’re hurting. Let’s make double sure we’re singing the right song in the right key in perfect timing. Occasionally, we may not know what song to sing that’s OK. A hug is  never in the wrong key.

The Key: If you’ve been singing the wrong song to your friend, face the music and change your tune.

My friend purchased a luxury car…you know, the kind that costs more for its oil change than my entire vehicle cost.  She had been driving it for a few hours when a cup of coffee warning sign showed up in her dashboard lights.  Alarmed, she pulled off the road to look at her manual.  Apparently, this car was so smart, it alerted the driver to take periodic rests in order to prevent an accident.

God created us with a need to rest. I am married to a man who, unlike me, has no trouble with that four-letter word, “rest.”  If we are leaving the house in ten minutes, he will say, “Patty, I’m going to take a short nap.  Please wake me in five minutes.”  And within thirty seconds, his snoring symphony begins.  Me, on the other hand?  It takes me ten minutes to fluff my pillow and adjust my comforter, figure which side I want to lie on, and try to cease my brain’s frantic activity.

Besides, there are always things to do in those ten minutes: fold the clothes, dry the dishes, make a quick phone call, straighten up my desk, paint a chipped toenail, floss my teeth.  I mean, being busy means I’m being productive, right?  Not according to scripture.  Psalm 23:2 tells me that God leads me beside quiet waters.  Dave understands quiet waters.  I understand living in a barrel in the middle of Niagara Falls.  The psalmist writes his words from the perspective of a shepherd tending his flock of sheep.

A good shepherd recognizes that sheep, as dumb as they are, are not at ease around rushing water.  It’s as if God created them to innately know that the weight of their wool—when wet—will drown them.  The shepherd must lead his sheep beside still waters, to a place of rest.  All the sheep must do is follow.

Author Mary Southerland once blogged about her experience learning the meaning of the word “rest.”  She wrote that she began taking piano lessons at the age of five from an elderly, sweet lady, Mrs. McKenzie.  “Her hair was slightly blue, her house smelled like lemon drops, and she had clocks that chimed and rang every fifteen minutes. I was so excited and so ready to play the piano like my sister who played for our church worship services…”

When Mary climbed atop the piano bench, she was disappointed when her teacher invited her to open the first page.  There were only little, black pictures.  “Where are the songs?” Mary asked.  For what seemed like hours, Mrs. McKenzie pointed to funny-shaped black symbols, naming them and explaining their meaning.

One was called “a rest.”  Mary was frustrated.  “Do you know why rests are so important in music?” her teacher persisted. “The music that comes after the rest is the most beautiful music of all.”                                                                                                                                                   Rest is a powerful part of our life song. Sometimes, it is the most productive thing we can do for our soul.  Just as the rest in music prepares the listener for what comes next, time spent in rest is an invaluable opportunity for preparation and restoration. Yet, we often buy the enemy’s lie that to rest is a waste.

Warren Wiersbe once said, “The ability to calm your soul and wait before God is one of the most difficult things in the Christian life. Our old nature is restless…the world around us is frantically in a hurry. But a restless heart usually leads to a reckless life.”         As we enter the Christmas season, we will be tested to live at a frantic pace.  We will need to choose: reckless or restful.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

Something to Crow About

Why do roosters crow? Well, there’s a variety of reasons, but generally they do their wake-up call just before sunrise because of their God-given instinct to sound their alarm clock. Roosters will also crow whenever they feel like it because crowing is simply their way of expressing themselves. Since they don’t have vocal cords, they can crow all day for no reason at all and not get hoarse or lose their “voice.“ Basically, roosters crow because they can.

During this season of thanksgiving, I am absolutely not going to let a rooster outdo me. I’ve got something to crow about too, and so do all believers. There’s a variety of reasons why we should praise the Lord and thank Him for all He’s done. “Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever” (Psalm 106:1 NLT.) When life gets bad, God remains good. And His faithfulness remains great and steadfast even in today’s chaotic world.

It’s right to thank God for material things such as a roof over our head, food on the table, and shoes on our feet. But let’s be sure to thank Him for spiritual things as well: “May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to His people who live in the light. For He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, Who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins” (Colossians 1:11-14 NLT.)

Andrae Crouch may have captured the grateful heart of every believer when he composed the lyrics and music for ‘My Tribute:’ “How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me — Things so undeserved, yet You give to prove Your love for me? The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee.”

In Psalm 116, King David asked the rhetorical question, “What can I offer the Lord for all He has done for me?” His answer was to praise the Lord’s name. Believers can bring praise, honor, and glory to God by representing Him well in everything we say and do. “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17 NKJV.) If what we do doesn’t match up with what we say, then we probably shouldn’t crow quite so loud.

Let’s remember to thank and praise God every day, not just at Thanksgiving time. Roosters crow because they can’t help it. (I wonder if anyone has ever tried to muzzle a rooster.) We should praise and thank God because we simply can’t help it. During Jesus’ triumphal entry, some of the Pharisees among the crowd told Him to rebuke His followers for their praises. “But He [Jesus] said, ’If they kept quiet, the stones would do it for them, shouting praise’” (Luke 19:40 MSG.)

God has done so many wonderful things for me, I want to praise and thank Him with all my being.

The Key: I don’t want any roosters or rocks doing my job!

“No one who loves as much gets as little.”

I recently found that scribbled on the bottom of an old newspaper clipping. The words, of course, refer to Jesus, and if Jesus doesn’t get the kind of love he deserves, why do I think that I am entitled to the kind of love that makes me happy?

Last night, some of us married folks were discussing Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” which challenges readers to find out what their mate’s “love language” is.

Dave and I found out early on that we were missing this understanding in our marriage when he asked me if I loved him and I answered that he should know I love him because I make him tacos every single day…even when I am in the mood for a tuna noodle casserole.  I still make tacos.  That should prove I love him.

“I don’t care about food,” he said.  “I eat to live.  What I want is affection.”

Say what?????  Who wants affection over food?  Does that include turtle cheesecake?

Clearly, I had much to learn about my man.

This year, Dave and I celebrated our 51^st wedding anniversary.  If I have learned one thing (other than I needed to be more loving), it is to be thankful for my man.  Occasionally, I write funny stories about Dave and me. (Trust me, most do not get written.) What surprises some of my readers is that Dave typically helps me write them.  I love that (and many other things) about him. Still, ours has not been a perfect marriage, and although we have found humor in many of our disagreements, there have been some tough times.

Many marital situations are not funny.  Arguments. Divorce.  Financial loss.  Death.  Being thankful in the midst of such circumstances—while seeking to find good in difficult people—challenges even the most faithful Christian.

Yesterday, I heard someone say that God never gives us more than we can handle, a quote Christians frequently spout when trying to encourage someone going through a difficult time. Scripture does not say that.

In Dave’s and my case, sometimes our marriage has pushed both of our buttons, the red ones that yell “Stop!” Quitting would be easy, except the Bible says that we are given trials that we might prove faithful, that we might learn perseverance and ultimately, joy. What we do with those trials—as we trust that God is in charge and we aren’t—helps us grow closer to our spouse and to God…and that needs to be our ultimate goal.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving next Thursday, let us not forget to be thankful for our families, to pray for them daily and to recognize that God can use our differences to draw us closer to Him.  For me, the thought of a Thanksgiving turkey over tacos makes me grateful, even if it is just once a year.