Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

After finishing my shower, I grabbed the handle to one of the sliding double doors but it wouldn’t open. I tried the other door and it wouldn’t budge either. Both doors were off the track. So I was home alone and stuck in the shower. It was weird that I couldn’t even call anyone although I had no idea who I would call anyway, considering the circumstances. I thought about crawling out over the top but, at my age, that wasn’t a smart idea. There was a slight temptation to panic, but I knew in my heart that my life simply was not going to end like this. I know of a virtuoso pianist who had a heart attack while playing, fell off the bench and died. That would be a more-honorable way to go than naked and shriveled in a shower stall. So I kept fiddling with the doors, prayed for “know how,” and managed to get both off-track doors back on track.

I don’t think anyone will argue that life occasionally tries to dump panic, worry, anxiety, and fear on us. Jesus was well acquainted with life down here and that’s why He did His best to teach us how to handle it. My brother, who passed away in 2022, has the following motto engraved on his headstone: “This too shall pass.” It’s encouraging to know that negative circumstances will not, and cannot, last forever.

Since the latter part of 2014, the scriptures regarding worry have been extremely vital to me. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT). Satan is always tempting believers to panic and worry about big things and little things. It makes no difference to him, just so we’re miserable and fresh out of peace. Paul wrote to the believers in Philippi admonishing them not to worry about anything. We’re supposed to pray and tell God all about it, then  thank Him for working things out, and move forward in peace. Before we RIP, believers are supposed to live in peace. Ain’t nobody got time to live in routine anxiety and panic.

God is patiently waiting for us to invite Him into our difficult circumstances so He can roll up His sleeves and resolve it. Just think how you would feel if your best friend had a need but didn’t ask for your help. For example, my dear friend asked if she could borrow a largish amount of flatware and dinnerware for her son’s graduation dinner party. I was very happy to lend these items to her because I love her. God is the same way — He loves us and wants to help us when we struggle with cares. God’s unfailing love expels the darkness of worry and panic like a thousand torches.

I find comfort, peace, and hope in this scripture: “I cast the whole of my care [all my anxieties, all my worries, all my concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for me affectionately and cares about me watchfully” (1 Peter 5:7 AMP). Don’t let worry take a front-row seat in your mind — just shove it out the door and give it a swift kick. No matter what you may be going through today, there is power and grace from the heavenly Father to make you into a peaceful overcomer. Just ask Him to help you and then act like His Word is true. I double-dog dare you to throw away your Worrywart button.

The Key: Let’s adopt the motto, “No Worries” and act like God is not a liar.

Several years ago, my stepdaughter Nikki and her husband, Dave, redid their backyard.  They added a pool, an outdoor kitchen, a sit-down counter for eight, an outdoor television, and an area for cornhole and games.  It became the hangout for their friends and the friends of their three, teenage children.

From that point on, rarely were they invited to someone else’s house.  They were expected to host every get-together.  People couldn’t wait for the next event.  Oh, the guests might bring an appetizer or drink, but most of that costly responsibility, prep, and cleanup, fell on Dave’s and Nikki’s shoulders.

My husband, Dave, and I had a similar experience in Mexico where we owned a bottom-floor condominium for 15 years.  Ours became the gathering spot, and several times, we were asked, “We had so much fun the other night. When are you having another get-together?”  A few reciprocated, but some never did.  After years of this, I began mortifying Dave by responding, “Or maybe we could come to your place sometime.” If I didn’t hear “Yea, maybe,” I heard, “My wife doesn’t like to have people over.  But we sure enjoy coming to your place.”

Recently, Dave and I were at Nikki’s, and she and I began discussing how some people use all kinds of excuses not to open their homes to guests.  Typically, it’s because their house isn’t as nice or as big and doesn’t have all the conveniences, but that’s not the point.  When Dave played baseball and we lived in a small apartment, we hosted almost every team event.  Players owned large, beautiful homes, but they never shared their houses for get-togethers.  They just asked when we were having another party.

On Sunday, we went to my grandson-in-law’s church and heard a sermon on hospitality, on how important it is to invite people over instead of shutting them out. The pastor used the example of Zaccheus, the tax collector who climbed a tree in order to get a look at Jesus as he passed by.  Jesus called him by name and said that he wanted to go to Zaccheus’s house, a request that was met with a quick “yes.” How many of us would be panicked instead of welcoming an unexpected guest?

Let’s face it.  We now live in a world that is cold and impersonal, yet Romans 12:13 instructs us to “Practice hospitality” which has nothing to do with impressing others with our fine linens, fresh flowers, spotless home and perfect children.  Some of us need to stop with the lies that tell us we have to be perfect, that our homes belong to us, not God, and that our possessiveness about our personal time many times isn’t linked to laziness or selfishness.

Jesus seemed to know that true fellowship, true intimacy, happens around a dinner table. Why else would he choose his final evening on earth to be centered around a table with his disciples? A table owned not by a friend but by a nameless person whose servant, according to Mark 14:12-17, led two disciples to an upstairs room prepared for a dinner for 12.

When Dave and I first attended a church near our home in Tomball, Texas, Mollie and Cal introduced themselves and invited us to their house after the service.  I explained that we had three children, but Mollie answered, “Perfect. So do we!”  That friendship (as well as other couples we met through them) has lasted for the past 30 years.

Billie Graham said it best.  “The happiest Christian homes I know are those given to hospitality, where neighbors feel at home, where young people are welcome, where the elderly are respected, where children are loved.”  Maybe that’s what this cold, impersonal world is missing.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

After graduating from business college, I began working as a secretarial receptionist. I typed a lot of specs and documents, so it was annoying when I made a mistake and had to brush on the white correction fluid and wait for it to dry. In 1980, I moved to Kansas and was employed at The Western where I used an IBM Selectric II correcting typewriter. I was so happy that someone brilliant had finally designed a built-in correction feature. I thought it was the best invention since high heels! Whenever I misspelled a word, all I had to do was hit the backup key, retype the wrong letter, then type the right letter and all was made right. It was just as if I’d never messed up. Even though I aimed for perfection, it was impossible to perfectly type every single document in a workday.

The heartbeat of God is to free us from our sins and baggage so that’s why He sent Jesus to clean, correct, and restore our flawed lives. He welcomes the bruised and crushed of humanity to come to Him for restoration. “…Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool” (Isaiah 1:18 NKJV). The Samaritan woman at the well, who’d been married five times, didn‘t cause Jesus to bat an eye or raise an eyebrow. When she believed and placed her faith in the Messiah, she immediately became the first female evangelist in her village. Many broken people came to believe in Christ because of her life-changing testimony. Jesus used, and still uses, some of the most-controversial individuals for His work and purposes.

Apostle Peter lied and denied, then quickly repented and was forgiven and restored. Saul/Paul persecuted, imprisoned, and approved of stoning Christians. But he stopped doing that when the light of Jesus landed him flat on the Damascus road. Jesus takes the most unlikely and makes them likely. In season 1, episode 7 of The Chosen, Jesus turns to Peter and says, “Get used to different.” Jesus didn’t come to admire the outward pretenses of a person, He came to clean the dirty insides of a person. Jesus came to love, forgive,  and restore sinful and defective people and put them to work in the Kingdom of God.

Jesus specializes in picking up people and turning them around. He cast seven demons out of Mary Magdalene and she was miraculously freed from bondage and restored to her right mind. She became one of the faithful women who traveled and supported Jesus’ ministry and she’s mentioned in all four of the gospels. Her previous life may have been the worst, but Jesus made sure that Mary Magdalene was the first to see Him on resurrection morning. She is a beautiful example of a godly woman whose life was poured out in gratitude for God’s extravagant love, mercy, and grace. From the worst to the first — that’s how the Master of the Universe works. Jesus entrusted Mary of Magdala  with the awesome assignment of telling the grieving disciples, “He’s alive!”

Jesus is the only true correction tape for the world. A simple definition of “justification” is “just as if I’d never sinned.” When we believe in Jesus as Savior, God pardons, cleanses, and acquits us from condemnation. Justification is a gift of grace; not a result of human effort. Jesus died and rose again; He paid it all so we can be clean and free. “Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight. Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of sin” (Romans 4:7,8 NLT.)

The Key: Our faith in Jesus’ sacrifice makes us right in God’s sight (ref Romans 5:1.)

I’m not sure how I came up with this idea, but I think that my life would be less stressful if I didn’t get frazzled about anything that couldn’t have frazzled me 30 years ago.  Take gadgets, for example, and their ability to frustrate:

Delayed Amazon deliveries

A slow internet                                                                                                                    Passwords                                                                                                                           Fast-food restaurants that use kiosks                                                             Pinterest ideas that never turn out like the pictures

Yellow, blinking lights that fail to blink

In the list above, all of these modern inventions are intended to make our lives easier, yet when they fail to do so, I become frustrated instead of being thankful for the times they do work. Why is that?  In Luke 17:11-17, we read of 10 outcast lepers who were healed by Jesus. Lepers were no small deal.  They were considered permanently unclean, so they could not worship in the temple. They could not hang with their families and were cut off from society. Jesus curing them was no minor miracle.

Still, only one thanked him, and in no insignificant way.  That leper fell at Jesus’ feet and loudly praised him for this miracle.  Jesus questioned why the other nine just went on their merry way while only one stayed behind to show gratitude.  Being thankful was important to Jesus.

Typically, I love thanking people and look for ways to do so.  Still, I need to do a better job of thanking God. Take this morning, for example. I had countless reasons for which to be grateful: life itself; opportunities to pray; a phone call from one of our children; a car that started; great friends; inspirational, Christian Instagram posts; Kleenex (allergies); and short lines at the post office. The list was endless, but only now, while writing this, am I thanking God.

In the Bible, the word “thanks” or “Thanksgiving” appears over 100 times, and no season reminds me of the need to show gratitude more than Easter.  Without the Resurrection, we would be hopeless. The Bible would be just another history book, and Christianity would be pointless. None of us would have a chance to spend eternity with Jesus.

The next time I’m frustrated because my internet is weak or my Pinterest macaroons look more like a blackened pizza crust, or I’m spending 15 minutes pushing the wrong buttons, trying to order an Egg McMuffin, I need to remember what’s truly important.  Actually, I need to remember Who is the most important…and maybe fall at His feet when I do

That’s what Easter is all about.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

Be Winsome and Win Some

Winsome is not an adjective we often use in our speech, but we should try to incorporate it into our daily conduct. The definition of winsome is being attractive or appealing in character. It’s a quality that makes someone want to be around us and enjoys our company. No one minds being around a person that’s engaging, sweet, endearing, charming, delightful, or winning.

As believers, we must be winsome if we intend to win some to Christ. It’s been said that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Showing love and mercy to others is the honey we need in order to be attractive. “If any of them [nonbelievers] do not believe God’s word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word, because they will see how pure and reverent your conduct is” (1 Peter 3:1,2 TEV). I like to talk, but sometimes it’s a good idea to save my breath and simply show love and mercy instead. (Then I don’t have to take my foot out of my mouth.)

It would be a good idea to make a mental checklist to ensure we love when others hate, and forgive when others hold grudges. When we build a bridge to someone, we’re  actually building a relationship with that individual. Becoming a winsome friend to the “down and out” can result in winning him/her to Christ. Friendly and caring conduct can actually win someone without sharing a truckload of Bible verses. We need to put our money where our mouth is in order to prove we walk the walk.

Jesus quoted this verse from the Old Testament: “I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices” (Hosea 6:6a NLT). God desires His children to have flexible hearts of compassion. Apostle Paul wrote to the Church of Philippi and instructed them to fasten their thoughts continually on what is truly important. “Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]” (Philippians 4:8 AMP). This translation uses the word “winsome,” and I like that. We need to think about how we can be winsome so we can win some to Christ.

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay” (1 Peter 4:8,9 NLT).  I believe Peter and his wife were hospitable, and a great tool to win some to Jesus is to feed some. My relative, Joanne Montgomery Jones, authored a book entitled, A Time to Laugh…A Time to Cry, and here is my favorite quote: “Today, hospitality has become so ’dutiful.’ Menus are carefully planned, shopping must be done, and tables must be set immaculately. Have we, somewhere along the way, lost the pure joy of sharing our food, our love, and our time with our friends? Chipped plates, glasses that once contained jelly or peanut butter, and worn mismatched silverware graced our table, but the love and laughter that abounded there far surpassed anything that might be achieved by today’s hostess following the rules of Emily Post.”

The Key: Let’s be winsome and win some for the Kingdom of Heaven.

Friends cautioned me that “times are different.”  They were right.  In my first week of substitute teaching, an administrator was called to remove a student from the classroom. In the twenty years I had taught, I made such a call only one time.  And here I was, in my third day of subbing, and I could not control a student who chose to act up, non-stop.

I tried all the teacher tricks, silently questioning how the actual, full-time teacher handled this child, but when I finally had him stand outside the classroom door and he began licking the door’s window, I knew that, yes, times are very different.

Two periods later, I had him again, and he was great.  Perhaps he had a twin with the same name?  I could not believe the difference.  I praised him for being so well-behaved and told him how much I appreciated him acting so well.  When he showed up for a third class, I expected the same.  It did not happen.  He was wired.  Disruptive.  Rude.  Loud.  Very, very loud.  What had happened to the quiet, attentive boy from the previous class?

Once again, I asked him to leave the classroom and sit by the door.  He chose to walk down the hall… and told me there was nothing I could do about it.  Sadly, he was right.  Gone were the days when a teacher could grab a child’s arm, when students respected (perhaps feared?) authority, when a call home meant double-trouble for the child instead of a complaint to the principal about the teacher.

Today’s educators are saints.

I always knew that subbing was a challenge (which is why I told my students that if they misbehaved for a sub, I would double their detention.)  Rarely, if ever, did I have a problem.  Clearly, the times…they are a changin’. Who/what’s to blame?  Is it social media?  Parents who refuse to hear the teacher’s side?  Who want to be their child’s friend?

Don’t get me wrong.  Many students were on task and well-behaved.  Two said “thank you” when I handed out an assignment. One even tried to quiet my disruptive student by saying, “Stop it.  She’s a good sub.”  (I wanted to hug him.)

Most teachers work hard to help raise up our children, to challenge and encourage them to learn.  And while the rest of us have an end to our work day, teachers don’t have that luxury.  Papers need to be graded and the next day needs to be organized.  As for administrators, they have their hands full, dealing with unruly students and their parents, encouraging teachers and keeping up with government standards for school management.

When I reflected on my sub experience, I had to wonder how God does it.  God, who deals with nothing but unruly children, who has no “one size fits all” form of discipline. God, who knows His children and what moves them to behave.  Do they need a friend to come alongside and challenge them?  He sends that person.  (Think of the servants who told Naaman, the leper, to get rid of his pride and wash in dirty water as Elisha instructed him.)

Do they need a kick in the kazoo?  (Think of Paul who, on his way to persecute Christians, was blinded.)  Do they need a gentle touch?  (Think of the disciples who were calmly admonished when they could not stay awake and support Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.)  Do they need encouragement?  (Think of those same men being told not to fear persecution and death.)  Do they just need a “Hang in there, Child” message? (Think of you and me, waiting on unanswered prayer.)

God amazes me.  Still, I have to wonder if He ever had to deal with someone who licked the window.  I’m thinking he might have laughed.

Maybe I should have tried that.

My friend Vivian and I were visiting recently about the topic of aging. Some women  look 15 years older than they are, but some look 15 years younger than their age. Vivian and I shared our thoughts about what we will look like in heaven. We both agreed that we’ll look about 30, which is the prime of life. When I was 30, I felt like I had a tiger by the tail. I could efficiently multi-task, do things quickly, walk and chew gum, and rarely felt dumb. I had lots of energy and laughed a lot. Now that I’m older, some physical things have changed but I’m thankful I can still laugh easily.

When believers are in the last third of our lives, we can still continue to be living testimonies to the faithfulness of God. There are two New Testament Christians that are marvelous examples of how to age fruitfully. The stellar lives of Simeon and Anna inspire me to keep serving God and loving people as long as I have breath.

Mary and Joseph took baby Jesus to Jerusalem to dedicate him to the Lord. As they walked into the temple, Simeon (an elderly man) was there waiting. He loved God, was righteous and devout, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. The Spirit had revealed to him that he would not die before he saw the Messiah with his own eyes. For this very reason the Holy Spirit had impressed upon Simeon to go to the temple on this precise day and hour when Jesus’ parents brought Him to the temple.

Simeon nestled the Babe in his arms and praised God saying, “Lord and Master, I am Your loving servant, and now I can die content for Your promise to me has been fulfilled. With my own eyes I have seen Your Word, the Savior You sent into the world. He will be glory for Your people Israel, and the Revelation Light for all people everywhere“ (Luke 2:29-31 TPT.) Simeon was at the right place at the right time because He listened to God.

Anna was an 84-year-old prophetess from the Tribe of Asher. She’d been married only seven years when her husband died. After that, she worshipped God in the temple continually, serving Him with night-and-day prayer and fasting. “She [Anna] came along just as Simeon was talking with Mary and Joseph, and she began praising God. She talked about the child to everyone who had been waiting expectantly for God to rescue Jerusalem” (Luke 2:38 NLT.) When Anna laid her eyes on Jesus, she experienced the very presence of God. Although she had known sorrow, she was full of joy. Although she was no longer in the prime of her life, she had maintained contentment and hope.  Although she had some limitations, she never stopped worshipping God and using her prophetic gift. Although she had experienced disappointments, she never stopped believing and praying. Although she was no longer youthful, she remained useful.

When I’m around an older woman with a laughing smile and twinkling eyes, that’s all I see. I’m truly blind to any of her aging facial features. Her beautiful smile is a better cover-up than anti-wrinkle cream. Several years ago, my cousin Vicky and I were talking about getting older. She said that she planned to simply grow old gracefully. I loved her plan and I embraced her sensible philosophy as my own. I want to grow old lovingly. I want to be sweet and not cynical. I want to enjoy life, laugh at myself, and remain useful for God.

The Key:  Let’s be content to have a loving heart and use “Big Grin Beauty Cream.”

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”  Seneca

Pornography (inanely called the “victimless crime”) is one of the easiest, most toxic, temptations known to man.

The statistics are alarming. “Webroot” reports that every second, 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.  Every day, 37 pornographic videos are created in the United States, and 116,000 queries related to child pornography are received. Last year, the top-ranked porn site had 700 million more visits than Amazon.

Tragically, about 200,000 Americans are classified as “porn addicts,” and 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites. “Psychology Today” states that one-third of porn viewers are women.

For the last few years, our son Adam has fought against sex-trafficking.  He and his team talk openly about how most people engaged in the activity begin by looking at pornography,  some at the age of five, but most around 10.

The younger a man is when he first views pornography, the more likely he is to want power over women. As for young girls, 80% of 15-year-old females reported that they have been exposed to violent, degrading online pornography.

Philippians 4:8 reminds us of why porn is a sin. Pornographers struggle with lust, and those desires conflict with God’s holiness   Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

The antithesis of pornography.

Once that thrill ends, many viewers look for more and turn to prostitution.  He becomes the pimp.  The average pimp has 4-6 girls and can make between $150,000-$200,000 per year.  (Not bad, until they are caught and end up with 20 years in prison.)  Compare that to the prostitute who works 6-8 hours a day, 5-6 days a week and has 3-5 clients a might.  She makes about $35,000 a year but has her room and drugs paid for. (A McDonalds’ worker makes around $29,000, has no risks of getting an STD, being beaten or murdered.)

Think about it.  These girls were once in elementary school, swinging on the playground and practicing their tap dance moves.  Something goes terribly wrong for them to end up in this career, but “johns” (patrons) don’t care.

Last week, my son’s anti-trafficking team spent time on the West coast, working with local police.  They never left one road where dozens of prostitutes work.  Even though the evenings were cold, there the girls stood, in lacy underwear, most under the age of 14, soliciting johns by selling their bodies.  One twelve-year-old girl was recovered, reunited with her mother, and flown to the Midwest to a facility specializing in the treatment of these damaged girls.

So, what does prostitution have to do with pornography?

Pimps quickly learn that porn pays better and prostitutes are prime candidates to work in porn, and prostitutes quickly learn that they are in much less danger in that field.

I spoke to a former pornographer who referred to those engaged in porn as sex traffickers.  He explained that these men are staring at women, performing for the entertainment of men, so they are equally liable for the degradation of females.

Matthew 5:28 28 says that a man looking at woman with lustful intent “has already committed adultery in his heart.”

The good news is there is hope.  God is in the Forgiveness business, so anyone engaged in these behaviors can repent.  No different than any other sin.  But make no mistake.  Porn is a slippery slope, and the cliff at the bottom will not be a safe place to land.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

The closest thing I’ve experienced to a knock-down-drag-out happened in eighth grade. I  take responsibility for instigating it although some of the details are blurry. Obviously, my mouth had gotten the best of me and I was blabbing some irritating things to one of my boy classmates. While I stood there with my little blue suitcase in hand, I irked him beyond control. I could tell he was fixin’ to punch me, so I lifted up my suitcase to ward off the blow and JG punched a big fist-sized hole in it. I don’t remember if either one of us apologized to each other the next day. But he did replace the busted suitcase with money for a new one. I was grateful I didn’t get a busted lip out of the deal, although I would have deserved it. I called Jonita to see if she recalled this incident. When I told her the story from 1972, she said she didn’t remember it, nor did she remember JG being a violent person. We both shrieked with unrestrained laughter.

It’s important that we get along with people and live in unity with one another. We’re familiar with the Old Testament story of Joseph. He was favored by his father who made him a special coat of many colors. This favoritism caused the other ten brothers to be guilty of jealous hatred toward Joseph. It was so severe that they couldn’t even speak a peaceful or kind word to him. They sold him as a slave to a caravan of Midianites traveling to Egypt. Then the brothers killed a goat, dipped Joseph’s coat in it and presented it to their father who assumed a wild animal killed him. This was exactly what the ten brothers schemed and wanted their father to think as they pocketed the 20 pieces of silver.

After more than 22 years later, Joseph had become Egypt’s supreme ruler, next to the Pharaoh himself. Due to the severe famine, his brothers had traveled to Egypt, met and done business with him (while not knowing he was their brother). He later revealed himself to them, wept with them, and forgave them. Joseph sent his brothers back to Canaan to bring his father Jacob and all the family so they could settle in Egypt.

As the brothers left Egypt, Joseph gave them a much-needed caution: “So he sent his brothers away, and they departed. He said to them, ‘Do not quarrel on the way‘” (Genesis 45:24 MEV). Most translations use “quarrel,” but some use “argue, fight, disagree.” Joseph knew there was a colossal probability for them to become involved in  disunity on their dusty trip home. The brothers could certainly argue about the best approach to tell their father that they had actually sold Joseph. They were totally  responsible for all those many years that Jacob had pined away for him. Pointing fingers, playing the blame game, and having a knock-down-drag-out would serve no purpose.

Instead, Joseph wanted them to be joyful that family unity had been restored. The brothers had faced up to their wrongdoing and confessed their sins, so now they could experience freedom from guilt and fear. Releasing jealousy and hatred was surely a much-needed relief. Busted relationships cause us to lose our joy and feel burdened down.

No one in his right mind can argue with Peter‘s rich teaching of the importance of living in harmony with one another. “Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love of the brethren, a tender heart and a humble mind” (1 Peter 3:8 RSV).

The Key: Busted relationships cannot exist where there is unity.

“Andy, I will video you from the shower,” I told my son.

“Mom, do you know how weird that sounds?”  He answered.  He was right.  I was referring to an upcoming baby shower.  He couldn’t have known that. Miscommunication can easily become problem.

Is there a chance…

• He didn’t mean to say what you think you heard?
• She just might be innocent?
• He was only kidding?

The chance for misinterpretation is greater now than ever, thanks to social media and a psychological phenomenon known as “the transparency illusion”—the belief that what we intend is crystal clear to others, no matter how poorly we communicate our thoughts.  “Why is she offended?  It’s obvious I was just messing around.  I even put LOL at the end of my text.” Or… “I bared my soul, hoping he would apologize, but he told me that I was being dramatic.” Or… “I expected her to meet me for dinner, but later she used the excuse that she thought I was just messing around.  How could it be any plainer?”

And speaking of misinterpretation, how about those online dating complaints?

• Instead of 5’11” as he advertised, not even his three-inch orthotics made him close to her 5’7” height.
• The picture she used was photo-shopped so drastically, the only thing even remotely resembling her were the earrings she wore.
• “Respectful” included everyone except, apparently, this date.

Sometimes, however, social media is not to blame for misinterpretations.  In Mazatlán, our friends “Bill and Colleen” were asked by “Harry and Marge” if they (H&M) could move in with them for a few days because they (H&M) had an opportunity to rent their condominium and make a lot of money. Nervy, yes, but Bill and Colleen are kind souls and thought a few days couldn’t hurt. It turned out that “a few days” meant a month to the moochers who quickly took over their new abode without offering to help with cleaning or rent that B&C were paying for their unit.  When enough was enough, Harry and Marge were asked to leave (which they did only after bad-mouthing the generous couple and never speaking to them again.)

We all have had experiences dealing with misunderstanding, but I’m not sure there is any book more misconstrued than the Bible. These are a few untruths I have heard:

• God never could send someone to Hell. (Side note: He doesn’t.  We make that choice.)
• Jesus commands that we poke our eyes out if we lust.
• There are many ways to Heaven. Jesus doesn’t mean it when he says that he is the only way.
• All of the authors of the New Testament got together to write their stories to cut down on discrepancies.
• Paul hated women. That’s why he told them to be quiet in church.

Let’s face it.  Communication risks misunderstanding.  If we took the time to ask for clarity instead of conjuring up what we think is meant, if we researched just a little deeper, if we did not succumb to the transparency illusion, we might have a chance of being on the same page as the other person.  Then again, if we don’t do those things, we might not even be in the same book.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

I know of two people named “Jethro.” When I was growing up, one of my favorite TV  series was The Beverly Hillbillies. Jethro was part of the weekly cast who portrayed the silly enthusiastic son of Pearl Bodine. He was a champion crawdad eater who considered being a brain surgeon, but later changed his mind to be a double-knaught spy like 007. He had a huge appetite and would eat his cereal in a large mixing bowl. The truck tire blew to smithereens when he aired it up with his mouth, much to his Ma’s annoyance. His main goal was to meet perty girls. Jethro needed lots of advice and Uncle Jed often told him, “Jethro, one of these days, you and me is gonna have a long talk.”

The other Jethro was Moses’ father-in-law. Moses married Zipporah and they lived with Jethro, the priest of Midian. During those 40 years, Moses and Jethro developed a solid relationship of a high order. After Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, Jethro heard about everything God had done, so he came to Moses in the wilderness. Jethro was delighted to hear about all the miracles God had performed. As usual, the next day, Moses personally took the full load as judge for the 2 million or more people. When Jethro saw all that he was doing alone for the Israelites, he asked, “What is this thing that you are doing for the people? Why are you sitting by yourself while all the people stand around you from morning until evening?” (Exodus 18:14 MEV). Moses answered that the people came to him when they had disputes and he judged between the two parties.

Jethro wasn’t at all satisfied with Moses’ answer. What he really wanted to know was why in the world wasn’t Moses delegating this gigantic responsibility! Jethro warned Moses that what he was doing was “not good“ and said, “You’re going to wear yourself out — and the people too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you. …Select from all the people some capable, honest men who fear God and hate bribes. Appoint them as leaders over groups of one thousand, one hundred, fifty, and ten. They should always be available to solve the people’s common disputes, but have them bring the major cases to you. They will help you carry the load, making the task easier for you.  If you follow this advice…then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.” (Exodus 18:18,19,21-23 NLT). Obviously, Jethro cared deeply about his son-in-law‘s well being and the future of his daughter and grandsons.

Although Moses didn’t ask for Jethro’s opinion, he listened to his advice and followed his suggestions. This speaks highly of their long-standing relationship. They could be transparent with each other and speak the truth in love. Sometimes a spiritual loved one can see unhealthy patterns and methods that the individual can’t see. Like Moses, we would do well to listen and consider wise advice. No one wants to see a loved one break down or burn out — especially when it’s preventable.

Jethro asked Moses two questions that we should ask ourselves periodically: What am I doing? Why am I doing it? When we get used to doing something the same way over and over, we’re not apt to consider if there’s a better way to handle it. We’ve heard the term, “Work smarter, not harder.”

The Key: Unsolicited advice is not always bad. It could even save your life.

Do you remember when “one” was enough?  When razors had only one blade, a single bathroom met a family’s needs, and one, shared car got us where we needed to go?  If we misplaced our eye- glasses or hair clips or pens and pencils, too bad.

Televisions entertained us with three stations. A handful of singing groups dominated radio stations, and we could name the dozen, famous movie stars by sight.  Closets held very few items of clothing, and we had two pair of shoes: one for school and one for church.  There were slim pickings for restaurants, and French was the only salad dressing available.  Simple was the only thing we knew.

No more.

Now, it’s all about amassing.  Bigger and better. Onward and upward.  More and more and more and more and more.

A while back, Dave and I were invited to a couples’ home for the evening. They are fun, caring, adventurous and love the Lord.   I was given a tour of their magnificent house and was astounded at the number of massive rooms devoted to “stuff.”  The wife said that she never could downsize because she wouldn’t know where to start to get rid of things that mean so much to her.  When her husband spoke of the dozen Christmas trees they put up each year, his wife claimed there weren’t “quite” that many.

On our way home, Dave, freshly inspired to declutter our lake cottage, commented on how we should start with our kitchen.  So, while he played pickleball this morning, I tackled the cabinet that holds our water bottles.  Check it out to the left.  This is the stash I removed from one cabinet…just in case, I guess, the water bottle fairy comes knocking and we, having the most in the universe, win a million dollars.

Removing the unnecessary ones was easy.  They were Dave’s.  I placed them in the “giveaway” pile.  Dave put them back and removed my “Grandma” one and my “Thanks for coming to my wedding” one and my “Apparently we’re trouble when we’re together…who knew?” one.  This was not going well.

In the end, we compromised.  Dave gave in, and so did I (somewhat).

Luke 12:15 tells us that Jesus spoke to his listeners, addressing how we hold on to our possessions: “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”         

“More is better” seems to be the mantra for our country.  One more drink.  One more donut.  One more snort.  One more lost pound.  One more dollar.  One more eyelift.  One more trophy. One more hour on our phone. One more accolade.                                                           

Readers, take Jesus’ words to heart.  It’s not about how much.  In the end, maybe it’s about how little.