School will start soon. We need to pray for our teachers. Since the time Covid kept students out of the classroom, teachers have attempted to correct the physical/mental/emotional damage done to these children. Add to that the use of A.I. to keep students “thinkless,” and the task of teaching well creates monumental problems.

There are few jobs that require the number of hats teachers must wear. They are mentors, psychologists, nurses, seamstresses, food preparers, EMT’s, confidants, mediators, resource officers, role models, listeners, organizers, researchers, and technology gurus, for the short list.

For centuries, a teacher’s responsibility was to expect students to follow his/her lead. “Do as I say and your day will go well.” No longer. Now, teachers are expected to offer rich, tailored learning experiences to each child. Their job is to nurture healthy curiosity in their students, and considering their classroom contains a range of I.Q.’s, home life situations, economic opportunities and personality styles (all changing over the six classes taught each day), the job can seem overwhelming.

Educators teach to make a difference; that is their reward. But the job has become increasingly stressful. Students sneak cellphones into the classroom. Many parents defend their children, even when there is proof of guilt. Now, kids can wear pajama bottoms and slippers to class, and the school system is forced to give multiple chances for a student to pass a class.

As I run into educators in our community, the stories do not change. “How much longer until retirement?” “I used to think I would teach until I drop. No longer. Now the students are running the show and many parents don’t have our backs. I can’t wait until I can retire.” “We still have not recovered from the Covid mess where few students actually participated in the Zoom calls, and unless we wanted to visit them at their homes, there was nothing we could do.”

Over 40 times in the Gospels, Jesus is called a teacher. The apostle Luke writes in Acts 1:1 that his Gospel is a “record of all that Jesus began to do and teach.” Ephesians 4:11 says it was Christ “who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers.” Good teachers are a blessing.

In “Keep Believing Ministries,” Ray Pritchard wrote, “You don’t have to be famous or brilliant to teach. You don’t have to be highly educated. You don’t have to be clever or witty or unusually attractive. You don’t have to be anything but willing. It won’t cost you anything but your life. If you don’t mind being a sower, you can be a teacher. There are hungry minds and open hearts all around us. The door of opportunity is wide open.” Jesus knew that. Jesus had a way of speaking that caused people to listen.

Next month, I will be coming out of retirement to teach again, and one of my classes is “Introduction to Education” which I will rename “So, You Want to be a Teacher!” I pray that I can encourage my students to understand their calling: God doesn’t ask everyone to be a teacher, but should they choose this job, they need to pray that He will give them a love for their students that supersedes all the negativity causing people to quit. I pray that you make that your prayer as well.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

In God We Trust

About 30 years ago, my husband built a tree house for our kids that was fit for Robin Hood himself. He chose a big sturdy hedge tree and began to build the fortress, complete with trap door, fireman‘s pole, and a basket on a rope to pull up and let down through an opening in the floor. A few years ago, my daughter and her girls were in the pasture and Lydia Mae and Felicity wanted to go up into the tree house. Mariam agreed, so she got hammer, nails, and boards to add some steps to make the climb doable. Mariam went up first, and then from the top she instructed each little girl where to put their feet and hands as they made their climb. The girls had never done this before, and it was a little scary for them, but they trusted their Mommy to get them through it. And she did.

Without the help of their mother, who knew all the ins and outs of climbing that tree, Lydia Mae and Felicity could not have accomplished their desire. Their high level of trust was very obvious. I love this scripture, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths“ (Proverbs 3:5,6 MEV). This verse is not just something appropriate to write in a graduation card, it’s an everyday-all-your-life command to put into practice.

It’s a downward crash to the bottom of the tree if you think you don’t need God. Proverbs 3:7 NLT reads, “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.“ Trusting in yourself is pretty worthless and leads to a miserable life; and unless you change your ways and begin to honor God, your afterlife will be way worse than your earthly life.

“In God We Trust” is the official motto of the United States of America. It was adopted by the U.S. Congress in 1956. The motto was first printed on paper money in 1957. Back then, money was handled by most adults every day. I believe that printing this motto on our money was divinely inspired. In fact, the plastic cards should have “In God We Trust“ printed on them too! Sixty-nine years ago, our Country’s leaders thought it was important for Americans to put their trust in God — and it still is.

God is absolutely trustworthy. You won’t find a better track record anywhere. Moses and the children of Israel came up to the Red Sea with Pharaoh’s army breathing down their necks. God rolled up His sleeves and basically said, “Just watch Me work.” God is not looking at our beloved U.S.A. while wringing His hands and saying, “I don’t know how this is going to turn out.“ No, God’s Word is firm: “I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me. I make known the end from the beginning…I say, ’My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please’” (Isaiah 46:9,10 NIV). God knows the future before it even happens. Everything He plans will come to pass. He simply needs His children to trust Him with childlike faith.

I encourage you to stand firm and beef up your trust in God as the apostle Paul instructed Timothy: “…We trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe” (1 Timothy 4:10 NKJV).

The Key: Quit trying to climb the tree by yourself, and ask for God’s help.

Great leaders are in short supply. Relatives who are business owners have shared their difficulties in finding employees who lead in their companies’ departments without expecting their bosses to do what they (the employees) have been entrusted to do.

One employer said that his day is continually interrupted by team leaders who want him to solve their problems. They show up in his office, complaining that they are missing a tool or are behind on a deadline or are short on J-bolts. Clearly, they have no desire to figure out a solution but want my relative to do it for them. My husband and I bought him this sign for his office door.

I wonder what these businesses would look like if they had godly men in leadership roles. My morning’s Bible study addressed Moses sending 12 leaders/spies to check out the Promised Land. Numbers 13:17-20 indicates that the mission of these spies was not to see if they could take the land, but how they would do it. Effective leaders understand their mission.

Ten of the twelve returned, whining about the difficulties in conquering the land. Yes, there were issues, but they dismissed how God had given them the mandate and the capability to take what He had provided for them. This was their Promised Land. This was their goal, yet they failed to focus on that.

Instead, they spoke of how they were merely “grasshoppers in the enemies’ eyes” when the opposite was true. If we look to Joshua 2:8-11, we read that the Canaanites were terrified of the Israelites. Apparently, they had more confidence in God’s power than the Israelites. Effective leaders do not exaggerate their problems.

Effective leaders have confidence in the abilities God has given them. These ten spies did not deal with this maturely. They told the rest of the tribes who then accepted that defeat was ahead. They wept loudly, according to Numbers 14, and begged to return to Egypt and to replace Moses as their leader. Instead of remembering what the Lord had provided for them, the Israelites believed these naysayers. Great leaders do not share negative reports about their company. They trust its leadership and have confidence in their own ability to solve problems.

Fortunately, there were two who knew otherwise. Joshua and Caleb. I love Caleb’s response, following the grumbling of the ten. “Let us go up at once and take possession, for we are well able to overcome it.” He was the factory employee who says, “Let’s start from the beginning to figure out why this machine is stalling.” She is the coach who reminds her team of its ability to compete with the talented opposition. He is the pastor who holds prayer meetings to trust God will enable the elders to stop their divisive ways. She is the wife who prays for her wayward husband instead of grumbling about him to her friends.

Caleb and Joshua reminded the Israelites that God would provide, but they chose instead to complain. God had had it. Those 20 years and older who grumbled would die in the wilderness and never seen the Promised Land, and as for the 10 spies who had caused the problem, they would die by plague. We know what God thinks of poor leadership.

At one time or another, we all are called to lead. Which kind of leader are you?

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker Everyone needs a Hushai

In the latter years of our marriage, my late husband and I became only “fair-weather” bikers. We’d jump on the Suzuki Boulevard and tootle around Gunn Park, head west on old Hwy 54, or south to Garland and enjoy the warm sun and breeze. I now describe myself as a “fair-weather” mower. If it’s too windy, too cold, too muddy, or too many irons in the fire, I will not mow my 3-acre property. Consequently, these strict stipulations caused me to get behind about a month before attempting the first mowing of the season. So when I discovered the battery was dead and wouldn’t hold a charge, I nearly cried. I knew the clock was ticking and it would be raining in a few hours. What did I do? I got a hold of a friend and he and his wife brought out and installed a new battery, so I was ready to mow in just a few minutes. My problem was solved…because of friends.

I recently came across a scripture that struck me and has stuck with me: “…and Hushai the Archite was the king’s friend” (1 Chronicles 27:33 NASB). King David had everything he needed and everything he wanted. He had army commanders, chief officers of the tribes of Israel, various overseers, counselors, servants, and more wives than was wise. But even the king of Israel needed a man he could count on to simply be his friend.

Hushai is mentioned in the Old Testament books of 2 Samuel (chapters 15-18) and 1 Chronicles. He isn’t remembered today like we think of Noah, Elijah, or Paul. Most of us don’t give Hushai a second thought. But he’s surely worth studying because he was important enough to be recorded in the Bible as a friend to king David. This six-letter word is part of living the abundant life Jesus said believers could have. Do we realize that God answers our prayers many times through a friend?

Hushai is a good example of how God uses faithful individuals to accomplish His purposes and help others. Because of Hushai’s intimate trust and deep loyalty, he was instrumental in thwarting Absalom’s attempt to overtake the throne from his father David. Hushai demonstrated that the faithfulness and wisdom of a friend can be of great benefit in the everyday affairs of someone’s life.

A friend who shows up at the right place at the right time is usually the beginning of an answer to prayer. As believers, we should have our hearts tuned into God’s still, small voice as He prompts us to reach out to someone He’s placed on our minds. With God’s help, let’s determine to be better friends in the “reaching out” part. I want to have a mindset that’s devoted to others because I know how important friends are to me.

A friend makes you laugh, is dependable, and will throw you a party rather than under the bus. A friend never throws stones or kicks you when you’re down. A friend can’t be bought with money and doesn’t count favors. A friend is there when you need her/him. A friend remembers the good and forgets the bad. A friend knows all about your flaws and loves you anyway. And a friend can offer the word you’re searching for but can’t think of when you’re telling a story.

Friends are a beautiful source of love, healing, joy, and encouragement. “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense” (Proverbs 27:9 NLT). Mom always said, “Two heads are better than one.”

The Key: If you’re a friend, you’re fulfilling a very important God-given role.

She rolled her eyes just like that in her last game, I said to myself.  Exactly like that. 

Dave and I had talked earlier about today’s game time for the Indiana Fever of the WNBA, and even though he was in Las Vegas and I was in Fort Scott, we both now were watching the Fever play.

With only two minutes left, the camera showed Caitlyn Clark conversing with two of her teammates on the bench.  Caitlyn, a star on the team, is on the injured list, but she clearly was enjoying her teammates trouncing the opponent.

For some reason, the eye-rolling was a DeJa’Vu moment for me, and when the announcer said that this was the largest crowd ever for the Chicago team, I remembered hearing that before as well.  When the game ended, I called Dave.

“Great game, huh?”  I said.

“Not for the Fever,” he answered.

Say what?

By now, you’ve probably figured out what I had not figured out. I had just sat through the same game I had watched a few days earlier against the Chicago Sun.  Dave had watched the game the Fever actually played…against the Atlanta Dream.  The only things that seemed familiar to me were Caitlyn Clark rolling her eyes and an announcement about the crowd size—nothing about the game.

What is wrong with my brain?

The same week, I left my phone and glasses at my stepdaughter’s house, failed to set my timer and left pizza in the oven until it burned, forgot to buy the Brillo pads necessary to clean the blackened pizza off the oven racks, had to Google the name for the oven shelves (“racks”) and couldn’t recall the name of the Iron Dome when discussing the Israeli/Iran war.

I think I am stressed.

The American Institute of Stress notes that 75 to 90 percent of visits to primary care physicians are stress-related.  Stress kills.  I’m not dead, but I am anxious, even though nothing is that big of a deal.

Dave and I had been organizing a move back to Kansas where I accepted a teaching job for one year.  Quality sleep has alluded me, as every night I dream of students running amok in my classroom.

We had been busy, saying goodbye to family and friends, and we were both forgetting things we needed to do to prepare for the drive home. Sticky notes helped, unless we forgot to read them.

Philippians 4:6-7 gives us direction when we are stressed: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.                                                                                                                          

I read that scripture and realize how I need to focus on what is going right, not what might go wrong. I am blessed with family and friends who want to spend time with me, a job opportunity where I can inspire students, the money to buy pizzas and Brillo pads, a vehicle that can safely get us home, a house to go home to, and most importantly, a Savior who stands beside me, even when I allow my circumstances to cause me angst.

I focus either on my problems or God’s promises.

We all know which one I need to choose.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

Wants, Whims, and Wishes

I don’t remember asking for a lot of things when I was a kid.  But I certainly remember asking for a piano because that’s all I cared about when I was in third grade. I couldn’t play a lick, but my parents purchased a brand new instrument and the rest is history. My life was forever changed by the wonderful world of piano music. (My dad said it was the best investment he ever made.) However, when I asked my mom for a baby brother or sister she said, “No.” So I immediately asked for the next-best thing, which was a monkey, and she said, “No” again. So I know what it’s like to ask and receive and to also ask and not receive. For all I know, that monkey could have chewed off half my fingers and that would have ended my lifetime of piano-playing fun.

We all have dreams, wants, and needs. I think God-given dreams and goals are healthy and give us something to look forward to accomplishing. God’s Word tells us, “…Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it” (James 4:2b NLT). Sometimes believers ask God and we still don’t receive it. When we acknowledge that God is wiser than we are, we can pray for wants and needs and close the prayer with, “Lord, You know more than I do, so if what I’m asking for would not be good for me, then don’t give it to me. I trust You with everything concerning my life.”

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. …We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed“ (2 Corinthians 4:8,9b NLT). When troubles come to me, I have a self-centered tendency to think I’m the only one going through the tunnel of “tough-stuff.” I have to remind myself that real life comes to all of us. I appreciate the following scripture from the pen of Apostle Peter: “Beloved friends, if life gets extremely difficult, with many tests, don’t be bewildered as though something strange were overwhelming you” (1 Peter 4:12 TPT).

All of us would vote for constant smooth sailing when it comes to living our life. But that’s simply unrealistic. It all boils down to the fact that we’re not yet residing in heaven, so life is not going to be perfect on this planet. But God is on the side of the weakest believer who, in simple childlike trust, yields and depends on Him to provide help and guidance.

In 1994, Christian recording artist Janet Paschal composed and recorded a gospel song entitled, “If I’d Had My Way.” The lyrics are thought-provoking and I’ve come to appreciate the message more and more through recent years. My life has made twists and turns that I’d not anticipated;  nevertheless, I trust God’s wisdom over mine. Here are Paschal’s poignant lyrics: “If I’d had my way about it, I’d have danced in grassy fields and fragrant meadows. And risen in the morning just to hear the robin’s lovely melody. I’d have rested in wide spaces, high above the hurting places. And found a cross that asked much less of me. Never sailed in raging winds or troubled seas, if You’d thought it best to leave it up to me. But if I’d had my way, I might have been wading through the river when You wanted me to walk upon the sea. And if I’d had my say and all of my wants and whims and wishes, You knew how weak, how shallow I would be…If I’d had my way.”

The Key: Believers may ask away and then trust God to have His way.

Everything was perfect.  My five college girlfriends and I met in Tulsa for our annual reunion.  Diana lives there.  Diana, the one who was prescribed Statins and now cannot walk and barely can feed herself.  Diana, the one who lived in a 5-Star retirement facility until her husband choked on a piece of steak in the dining hall while the employees watched in horror as he died.  Their hands were tied.  “Only medical personnel can assist in a life-and-death crisis.”

Our friend moved from that facility, bought a one-story house and hired two aides who tend to her needs.  Since she no longer can travel, we go to her.  Every year, our celebratory dinner is a bone-in prime rib.  “No peekie, roast beefie” it’s called because after cooking it in the morning for one hour, the oven is turned off and it sets all day in the closed oven.  This year was no different, except Diana had purchased an enormous piece of meat with five large bones protruding from its side.

After setting it on a cookie sheet, Keller lathered it in her homemade rub and placed it in the oven.  Correction: she tried to place it in the oven.  It was too big.  The bones needed to be removed.  Which is where “Everything was perfect” changed.  And which is where I came in.

The bones would need to be sawed off.  After I found a jigsaw in the garage, Cathy volunteered to hold the end of one bone as I—after calling on Jesus to help—jackhammered away. The slab of meat jumped with each jolt, and everybody (and I do mean “everybody”) had an opinion on what we needed to do to keep me from amputating Cathy’s fingers.

In the end, thanks to Jesus, the jigsaw and a hammer, our mission was accomplished.

I needed a shower.

Let’s face it.  Sometimes, things just don’t fit.  They are square pegs in round holes, and they need to be “trimmed” to contribute effectively. Think 1500-piece jigsaw puzzles; sometimes, the only solution to make them fit seems to be scissors and glue.

I’ve known people who don’t fit.  They are social misfits who blunder through conversations, step on toes and speak when they should remain silent. Having them as friends can be tedious, if not impossible.

We all have a desire to “fit in,” don’t we?  Walk into a middle school or high school and you will recognize the need for students to look like everyone else. And then there are those people who insist you have to fit into their mold. Some churches are like that. They cut off those who don’t dress like them or plug them in where there is a need, not where they are gifted.  The homeless, prostitutes, drug addicts need not apply.

There were early Christians who had bought into this lie. They thought that, because they didn’t have certain spiritual gifts, they didn’t fit into the body of Christ.  In 1 Corinthians 12:12-14, Paul confronts the argument.   Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.                                                                    

And yes, we all need a little spiritual trimming every now and then.

Hopefully a jigsaw is not the answer.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

A Father’s Influence

Rev. Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) made a thought-provoking statement when he said, “When the sun goes below the horizon he is not set; the heavens glow for a full hour after his departure. And when a great and good man sets, the sky of this world is luminous long after he is out of sight. Such a man cannot die out of this world. When he goes he leaves behind him much of himself. Being dead, he speaks.” My late husband was a gentle, kind-hearted, influential man who loved God. And I watched him be a good father to our son and daughter for 34 years; he left a goodly part of himself in each one.

Although Jimmy is gone from our children’s sight and touch, he continues to influence them. Whenever my son repairs, builds, uses a chainsaw or power tool, shoots a gun, problem shoots, discusses the Bible, or rides his motorcycle, I am seeing his father in him. A father’s influence lasts a lifetime.

Whenever my daughter goes fishing, shoots a deer, rides a horse, reads a book, plays with her children, helps someone, or starts another hobby, I am seeing her father in her. A father’s influence lasts a lifetime.

Being a great dad doesn’t just happen automatically. A lot of godly wisdom, effort, and selflessness goes into the definition of a good dad. Being a dad to your children is the highest and hardest calling, but it’s not “mission impossible.” Jimmy used God’s Word as the user manual for training our children. The following scripture was underlined in his Bible: “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” (Proverbs 22:6 NLT). He believed it was his responsibility to teach our children about God’s Son and they both accepted Jesus as their Savior as youngsters. Today, they are committed believers and a lot of the reason why is because their father’s godly influence is still alive in their lives.

Children spell “love” as T I M E. They don’t want your money, toys, or gadgets as a substitute for your time. They want and need you! The time fathers spend with their kids (no matter their age) is time well spent and well remembered. Forget the term, “quality time.” Just be present and share life with them, whether it’s on the creek bank, the woods, in a tree house, horseback riding, in a deer stand, or on the basketball court. Be present.

Dads are a critical piece to a child’s puzzle of life. Your influence will remain with them forever. The question is, after you’re gone, what will be the main thing you’ll be remembered for? Mariam and Aaron have described their father as an “All-In” Dad. Even though being a dad is often challenging, it’s not complicated. Just keep your priorities straight: love them, don’t spoil them, discipline them, and teach them about Jesus. Be a good man and a godly example for the sake of your children. And don’t beat yourself up when you fall short. God will help you be all you need to be as a man, husband, and father. Simply do your best and God will do the rest.

No matter how old we are, we never outgrow our need for a father. Mine has been gone for 13 years and I still feel him in my heart and hear him in my head — because a father‘s influence lasts a lifetime.

The Key: “Thank you” to all the fathers who are being the #1 Best Dad you can be.

Did you notice how “testimony” begins with the word “test”?  2 Corinthians 1:4-5 explains how one leads to the other. “God comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings alongside someone who’s going through hard times so we can be there for that person, just as God was there for us.” (MSG)

In “Words of Hope and Help,” Max Lucado explained that scripture. “You didn’t sign up for this crash course in single parenting?  No, God enrolled you.  He’s taken the intended evil and rewoven it into this curriculum.  Why?  So you can teach others what He’s taught you.  Rather than say, ‘God, why?’ ask ‘God, what?  What can I learn from this experience?’ Rather than ask God to change your circumstances, ask Him to use your circumstances to change you. Life is a required course — might as well do your best to pass it.  You will get through this.”

When I wrote A Little Faith Lift: Finding Joy Beyond Rejection, I didn’t have to conjure up life-tests in which I had failed.  I had more than I could count and had to choose which to eliminate.  Since the book was published, I have had enough new “tests” to create a sequel.  What I had prayed for (that others would be able to relate to my humiliation and find confidence in their own miscues) happened.  Hearing that my readers now take risks or recognize they have value or no longer give bullies any power in their lives made me thank God for my messes.  My tests had become my testimony.

Through God’s power, what seems like a setback becomes a setup for a testimony. Not giving up allows our Heavenly Father to do His work, His unexplainable masterpiece.  Piece by piece, He is completing His tapestry of perfection out of our challenges. We just have to be willing to turn our mess into our message.

When our baby died at the hands of a quack doctor, I despaired, never realizing that God would use that depression to lead me into a relationship with Him.  Because of that, I have had numerous opportunities to offer comfort and hope to mothers whose baby died.  I can say “I understand” and mean it.

If we learn to be honest about our brokenness rather than playing super Christian and pretending all is well, God can do His work.  Billy Graham understood the importance of us turning our victimhood into our victory: “The unbelieving world should see our testimony lived out daily because it just may point them to the Savior.”

The devil never can take away our testimonies of God’s provision.  How frustrated he must be as he watches us deal with troubling times only to have us rely on the only One who can turn things around so we can brag about His provision!  What test are you dealing with right now?  Are you looking for ways to cheat your way through it, trying to figure out how to deal with it on your own, or are you patiently enduring, waiting for God to teach you what you need to know to grow closer to Him?

Remember, there is no testimony without a test.

Keys to the Kingdom By Carolyn Tucker

Stand by Your Man

I have innumerable memories and life experiences that are connected with music. When I was around two years old, my family lived in southern California. When we went to the ocean, the four of us had to walk across storefronts to get to the beach. On one of these excursions, my parents noticed that I had fallen behind and wasn’t with the rest of the family. Mom had to walk back to the beer joint and get me because I had stopped to dance to the music that filtered out the open door. Little kids don’t have to be taught how to dance. They simply do it naturally…and gleefully.

When couples marry, they bring to the holy union boxes of stuff from their single days. Two items I specifically recall that my late husband brought to our marriage in 1980 was a shoebox full of cassette tapes. When Elvis died in 1977, Jimmy listened to the radio and taped the Elvis songs that the DJ played. This box also contained a cassette of Tammy Wynette which included her #1 hit song, “Stand by Your Man.”

One of the best Old Testament examples of loyal friendship is between Jonathan and his armor bearer (who isn’t mentioned by name). The Philistines were at war with Israel during King Saul’s reign. One day Jonathan (son of Saul) said to his armor bearer, “Let’s go across to the outpost of those pagans. Perhaps the Lord will help us, for nothing can hinder the Lord. He can win a battle whether He has many warriors or only a few!” (1 Samuel 14:6 NLT).

I really like the supportive attitude of Jonathan’s young attendant. He knew what it meant to “Stand by Your Friend.” “His armor bearer said to him, ’Do everything that is in your heart; turn yourself to it, and here I am with you, as your heart desires‘” (1 Samuel 14:7 NASB). He could have rattled off 20 reasons why two warriors shouldn’t engage in fighting a military garrison of Philistine soldiers. Instead, he joined with Jonathan and together they quickly made a brave attack, overwhelming and killing about 20 of the enemy. Their victory proved then, and now, that God is greater than circumstances. Jonathan’s bold words of faith expressed His confidence in God, Who then enabled this fighting duo to overcome immense odds.

I want to be a loyal friend like Jonathan’s armor bearer. He said, “Here I am with you.”  Jonathan was encouraged by his attendant’s promise to stand by him and follow him wherever he went. We all know what it means when a friend says, “I’ve got your back.” He/she will not turn his/her back on you. A loyal friend is there for the long haul. It’s been said that in order to have a friend, you must be a friend. It might be a  challenge to keep the unspoken promise to stand by your friend through thick and thin, but do it anyway. Having a friend to defend is worth fighting for.

A loyal friend is supportive, trustworthy, confidential, and honest with you. A friend stands by you, defends you in your absence, and helps you out in times of stress and strain. A friend will laugh and cry with you, comfort you, and pray for you. A friend will think the best of you when you stumble and fall, and will lend a hand to help you stand.  A loyal friend will throw out the lifeline when you’re going down for the third time.

The Key: Stand by your friend until the very end.

While talking with my recently widowed friend, I listened as she shared some of her emotional journey. She said something I never had considered: her desire is that, at the moment she dies, she will be in the middle of praying blessings for other people.

Get that?  Not blessings for herself.  For others.  The thought never crossed my mind. Well, the thought of dying has crossed my mind.  Every time I get on a plane, I question how I will react if we nosedive.  Will I scream to my fellow passengers “Choose Jesus” or just pray I lose consciousness before we hit the ground?  When my husband drives too close to the vehicle in front of us, I am not praying blessings on other people.  I just grab the passenger door handle and slam on my pretend brake, a PTSD reminder of my crash over a year ago.

My preferred method of dying would be in my sleep, but if not that, then while hanging with my grandkids.  Of course, they might be traumatized if I keel over while rolling Playdough worms with them, so I should try to consider less shocking (and more spiritual) ends…like my friend.

Compared to her, my thoughts have been selfish.  Where do I start to destroy these desires? Mark 8:34 makes it sound so simple.  He tells us to forget about ourselves.  We are to “deny” ourselves, take up Jesus’ cross and follow him.  That cross simply means not to be concerned about our circumstances but live a life that blesses other people.

Still, selfishness comes so effortlessly, doesn’t it? Never has a baby been born who wasn’t egocentric. We don’t have to teach children how to be selfish.  It is part of human nature.  If ever there was a little tyke who daily asked, “What else can I do to help this family?  I don’t need to go outside and play.   I just want to unselfishly give of myself,” I’ve never met that little saint. The only time I heard my kids offer to sacrificially serve in our home was when they wanted money or permission to hang with their friends.

Selfishness doesn’t end with little ones.  Professor Jay Hoffman of The College of New Jersey writes, “If you don’t think most of humanity is selfish, try going shopping early on Black Friday…Or try yelling ‘Fire’ in a crowded theater. And driving anywhere these days one sees a horrific display of selfishness. Drivers are aggressively competing to get ahead of each other…”

The truth is, you and I are selfish.  We need to remind ourselves to put others first, to look for ways to bless them before we bless ourselves.  It is not a challenge the Holy Spirit cannot handle, but we must be willing to seek his will when confronted with choices of “who comes first.”      I daily battle this sin.  I want the thermostat set so as not to replicate a walk-in cooler.  I struggle when multiple vehicles take advantage of me and merge in front of my car.  I want the shortest line in the grocery store, and I have no problem taking the last bag of Fritos off the shelf.     Galatians 5:20 calls selfishness one of the “works of the flesh.” James 3:16 says it leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” Selfishness ruins friendships (Proverbs 18:1) and hinders prayer (James 4:3).

Sin (selfishness) and love cannot coexist. We need our minds transformed. That happens when we allow God’s love to move through us so that we can love others the way He wants us to love.  I’m pretty sure that includes praying blessings on others instead of myself.