When You Get the Short Straw

By Patty LaRoche

Have you ever been around a “Negative Nilly” kind of relative? Nothing is ever okay, not the weather, the restaurant food, the comfort of their vehicle, their bed, and certainly not you. They are constantly tired, overwhelmed, hot, cold, stretched to the limit, disappointed or living in their past regrets. Sitting next to them at family get togethers means you got the short straw, and whatever positive you share will be met with a downer tale of woe.

You’ve just been promoted? Must be nice; these people have lost their last five jobs because someone was jealous of them. You’ve joined a wonderful Bible study and met some great friends? Swell; these relatives have tried every church in town and can’t find any that aren’t filled with hypocrites. You recommend a restaurant; they got food poisoning the last time they ate there. The problem with these people is they have “a problem for every solution,” constantly finding ways to criticize or complain. They sprinkle passive-aggressive comments like confetti. This can drain your energy, cause frustration, anxiety, or even depression, as well as hinder your spiritual progress.

“Do not be misled,” starts 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good character.'” And yes, bad company can include relatives. We must surround ourselves with positive, uplifting people who encourage our walk with God.

We once had family members who came to stay with us for a week. Never once did they offer to help make dinner or clean up afterwards. They spoke only of themselves and never asked any questions about how our lives were going. Dave and I had two young children who needed our attention. It was as if we had added two more. On the fifth day, Dave told them that they were in charge of the meal that evening. He was my hero.

Christians have difficulty setting boundaries with people like that because we feel we are letting God down and not discipling well when we protect our emotional health by acting in our own self-interest. The problem with that is our “loved ones” have gotten away with this behavior by manipulating the entire family with their negativity, and no one wants to be the one to create distance from these toxic relationships. No one benefits.

An anonymous source said this about negative ninnies: “Keep them in your heart but out of your life.” I’m pretty sure Jesus would agree.