Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV) Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

How can two people accumulate so much junk? Dave and I are packing to move from the lake area into town.  This move, probably because we are tired of paying per-pound for things we never will use, we are trying really, really hard to declutter.  For some reason, I look at Dave’s things with clearer eyes than I do my own.

“Honey, you don’t need those old baseball folders.  And when was the last time you wore those polyester pants or needed those rusted tweezers or those tireless bikes?”  Dave is equally as helpful.  “Patty, didn’t you wear that outfit on our honeymoon?  How many hair products do you actually need?  Aren’t three spatulas enough?”

And then we both defend whatever it is our spouse thinks we should throw away.  This is ridiculous.  We have no problem moving, leaving behind years of sweet, family memories, but we can’t part with unnecessary junk.  Change is a natural part of life.  We can embrace it, or we can fight it.  The choice is ours.  Just like the eagle’s.

The eagle has the longest life-span among birds. It can live up to 70 years, but to reach this age, the eagle has to make a hard decision. In its 40s, the eagle’s long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey, its food. Its long and sharp beak becomes bent, and its old and heavy wings, covered with feathers that have grown thick over the years, become stuck to its chest, making it difficult to fly.

The eagle is then left with only two options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days. This requires the eagle to fly to a mountain top and sit on its nest. There the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until the beak falls off. The eagle will then wait for a new beak to grow back and use the new beak to pluck out its talons. When the new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking out all of the old feathers. After five months, the eagle takes a famous flight of rebirth and lives 30 more years.

Change is sometimes needed to survive. Read the Bible.  Every story includes choices people had, either to follow God or not.  What is God asking of you?  How is He working to increase your faith by making a change in your life?  The answer is simple. He is preparing your steps to move out of your comfort zone, to get rid of useless material junk, to eliminate destructive habits and to focus on what is truly important.

When Dave and I began to concentrate on what we really need, we found a certain satisfaction in not holding onto what was familiar. Joshua 3 illustrates how God works in these decisions. The Israelites were close to the Promised Land, but the Jordan River stood in their way.  God asked them to take one step into the water.  He would do nothing until the Israelites obeyed.  The lesson is one for us all.

Don’t wait until you believe it all.  Don’t wait until you can see it all.  Don’t wait until you understand it all.

Take the first step.  God will meet you there…even if it involves rusty tweezers and multiple spatulas.

Jacee asked for a Mental Health Day. She needed time off work because she was stressed, not to mention her employee contract allowed her three of those days a year, so she was entitled to it.

Where were those days when we were living in Houston, Dave was playing baseball in another part of the country and our children were young? No one offered me a day to regroup, not even when I found my outdoor wreath nailed 18” above the baseboard in the living room (i.e., where the ping pong table was located, of course). As it turned out, when Adam beat Jeff in a game, Jeff threw his paddle at his younger brother who retaliated by shoving Jeff through the drywall. The wreath was their brilliant plan to hide the butt cheeks’ hole in the wall.

Or how about the time teenager Jeff placed the riding mower in drive instead of reverse, pinning me against the wall in the shed…the same teenage Jeff who tried to take a shortcut home from mowing a neighbor’s yard and drove into a ditch full of water, dropping the keys in the muddy water when he jumped off the mower? I never got time off work when I was mentally unstable. I got time off work when the principal of Adam’s middle school called me to say that the history teacher was tired of Adam’s shenanigans. Would I trail Adam at school for a day to see if he behaved better? That was my mental health day.

According to Jessica Brodie, author of “5 Sneaky Habits that Cause Serious Mental Health Problems,” mental health issues range from diagnosed mental illness (many times caused from a chemical disorder, genetics or trauma) to short-term periods of mental imbalance. What intrigued me about Brodie’s article was that mental health problems can be caused by five behaviors: lack of sleep, poor nutrition, not exercising, substance abuse and lack of self-love.

Except for substance abuse, I was guilty of the other four but certainly not unsympathetic to single parents who resorted to “substances.” I mean, how was I to sleep when I realized Adam disconnected the security system so he could sneak out his window at night? I guess I needed to be more like Jesus whose disciples had to wake him when a storm arose. (I could not relate.)

As for nutrition, yes, I know that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and deserves proper nutrition (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), but was it my fault Little League concession stands sold only hotdogs and nachos instead of salads? Then there’s exercise—so over-rated. Who has time for a spin class? Wasn’t it enough that daily I played catch with my sons and retrieved balls that somehow missed my glove? Proverbs 31:17 addresses the strength of a godly woman: “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” My arms were strong; it was the rest of my body that suffered.

Matthew 22:39 deals with self-love. Matthew never met my kids. How does one love herself when she is told by other parents that on several occasions her older two sons put a football helmet on their younger brother and had him run through the woods, target practice for their BB guns? No doubt, I was the topic of conversation for many of my son’s friend’s parents.

As I reflect on the hundreds (thousands) of incidents with my children, I understand that had mental health days been offered to parents who deserved them, I never would have worked a day in my life. Still, the wildest thing about all of this is that I now consider my children as some of my greatest blessings. Crazy how that works, isn’t it?

My student’s step-mother died this past week. “Jon” had been excited about an experimental medical procedure that would save his mom’s life, but something went wrong. When Jon returned to class, I shared with him how sorry I was. “She was the kindest person I’ve ever known,” he said. “She never had a bad word to say about anyone. It’s hard to understand why she had to die when so many jerks don’t.”

Jon began sharing how much his mom loved Jesus and lived for him. We discussed how much better her life is now compared to when she was suffering with a heart defect, but we both understood the genuine hurt felt when someone so dear dies. Jon recently had back surgery, and his father will soon have a surgery in which his small intestine will become his stomach. Clearly, this family has been asked to endure much.

And then there is Diana, my wheelchair-bound friend who watched her husband choke to death when the restaurant employees apologized because they weren’t allowed to perform any medical procedure, Heimlich included. Her unmarried daughter was diagnosed with cancer and will begin chemotherapy and radiation treatments this week.

This same week, Becky, my longtime friend from Ohio, texted that her younger son had died from complications following surgery in which his pancreas and spleen were removed, even though they had gone to one of the finest hospitals in the country. Her older son passed away three years ago from cancer. Becky cannot make phone calls because she lost her hearing five years ago. I cannot even tell her verbally how I hurt for her and her husband.

Too much. Too much. Sometimes, challenges seem too much to bear.

God knows that. He sees us shake our fists at Him, scream for answers when there appear to be none and watch our faith be shaken. I wonder how many millions of times He has listened to our tantrums and wanted to tell us that His ways are not our ways, that this trial needs to grow us, to bring us closer to Him. Perhaps this is the first time we have been on our knees in years (well, since the last time we were overwhelmed). Perhaps this is so others can watch us endure in order to give them hope. Perhaps we won’t know the “why’s” until we meet God face-to-face.

No one enjoys suffering, yet James tells us to “consider it pure joy” when we face trials. This makes no sense. Why would anyone rejoice in hardship? The answer is found in what trials produce. They develop perseverance. They strengthen faith. They teach dependence on God. Without trials, our faith remains shallow. With them, it grows deep and unshakable.

Becky knows all about that. Her final words in her text were these: “God answered my nightly, ongoing prayers that he doesn’t suffer terribly with a long, painful ending.” She ended by repeating herself: “God answered my prayers.”

He always does, sometimes in ways we find difficult to understand.

Marbles and Jokers is one of our favorite games.  Dave and I were introduced to it a few years ago and immediately became fans.  Since that time, most of the couples whom we taught to play have ordered the game for themselves and for their adult children.

Months ago, we had two couples over for dinner and taught them the game.  The following morning, one pair ordered the game for themselves.  We play marathon M&J every chance we can.

Today, while talking to my friend, Lael, a fellow M&J player, I shared with her that wonderful things seem to happen over dinner and that game.  She asked how many people had bought the game because of us.  I said about 30.  But then she asked me a question that made me realize the opportunity I was missing.

“Can you imagine sharing Jesus with 30 people over the course of the last few years?”  Granted, most of the people who have played this game with us are Christians, but some aren’t, and even though they know where we stand, why haven’t I been as determined to tell them about Heaven as I have been about teaching them a competitive game? Too, could Marbles and Jokers be the tool I use to do so?  Why do I make witnessing so difficult?

Finding the way to Christ is simple, and the “Romans Road”—seven scriptures in the Book of Romans—is a great path to get there.

3:10—There is no righteous person.

3:23—Everyone sins and comes short of the glory of God.

5:12—Sin (and death) entered the world through Adam’s sin; that death was passed to all of us.

6:23—Sin leads to death, but God gives the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

5:8—God covered our sins by his son, Jesus’, death.

10:13— Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

10:9-10 (NLT) “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

And yes, I understand that, unless the Holy Spirit inspires me, I would not share those seven scriptures with a non-believer I had invited over to play a game (not even if they were winning and I wanted them to go home).

There are simpler ways to witness. Our example, for…well, example.  This school year, I have had many opportunities to pray for faculty and students.  Sometimes, it is as simple as hearing their problems and asking how I can pray for them.  Other times, I drop them a note to tell them what a blessing they are to me or simply to encourage them, reminding them that God hears our prayers.

I have had deep conversations with students who were wounded by their parents, reminding them that we all are sinners and that God grieves when He sees parental figures abusing their children.  I have apologized to an entire class when I showed anger instead of doling out fair consequences, telling them that as a Christian, I failed to show mercy.

Lael’s question made me realize that I was missing an incredible opportunity.  After all, losing a game is nothing compared to losing our eternal lives.

Have you ever been called to “love the unlovely”?  You know, like Jesus did.  I recently realized how hard that really is…not because I can’t love the unlovely but because sometimes they don’t love me.  People I know have been disappointed in me, and my Christian character has been ridiculed.  Compared to how I felt when a dear friend said that I didn’t mask my double-chin well when I delivered my Tedx Talk or how another addressed my unflattering outfit or when someone shared that I overdid my makeup at my book signing, and I bet you know which hurt worse.

Yep, when my Christian character was maligned.

I want desperately to please God.  I do.  I want people to see in me a joy, a peace, a freedom, so infectious that they ask my secret.  That doesn’t always happen.

Today was the exception.  A sweet, young waitress told me that I make a difference in her life, that every time she waits on me, she feels that she has someone in her corner.  Her grandparents and father are deceased, and her mother is an addict.  She, a divorcee, has young children and struggles being a good mother, but, she said, she believes that I care.  She is right.  From the first time she waited on me, I knew there was something in her I admired.

She is lovely, personable, hard-working and determined to give her children a better life.  She asked if we could exchange phone numbers.  Of course we could, and we did.  She explained that she wants to leave her present job and move into something more fulfilling, something that would provide better for her kids.  I assured her that I would try and make that happen.

Then she said something I did not expect.  “I am pregnant.”  She spoke about how amazing the father is, how he treats her well, but how she knows things now are more complicated in her hunt for a new job.  I couldn’t help but think, “Would Jesus call this complicated?”  Absolutely not.  He loved everyone, even those who think they disappoint. No story reflected that better than when Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well.

According to John 4:1-42, she, the lowest of the low, an unmarried female of a race despised by Jews, meets Jesus on his way to Galilee.  His disciples are in town buying food when Jesus asks this woman, coming to draw water from the well, for a drink. In that era, women drew water in groups in the morning, but this outcast drew water alone midday.

The Samaritan woman questions how this man can ask her, a woman, for a drink.  Jesus’ responses confound her as he explains that he offers “living water,” the kind that leads to eternal life, to everyone. The dialogue continues until Jesus switches gears and reveals that she has been married five times and is not married to her current affair.  Still, he offers her a chance. She then gets it: she who has disappointed for as long as she can remember is talking to the Messiah.  And he’s not disappointed.

When this woman believed, she immediately ran off to tell others. Her words made an impact. As Scripture tells us, “Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.”

Loving the unlovely is Jesus’ way.  My job is to love those who don’t love me, those who judge me or criticize me, to see them as Jesus does, so they can know him too.

Along the way, I hope I don’t disappoint.

Thirty years ago, I was not frazzled easily. Perhaps because I had survived the ordeal of raising three A.D.D. sons without any criminal repercussions. Perhaps because I had learned to relax as a teacher and enjoy my students, or perhaps because I was finally figuring out the difference between religion and a relationship with Christ. What I deal with now is nothing compared to those challenges, so I have no idea why at this age I get frazzled so easily. Still, the list of things that frustrate me is endless. For example:

• Delayed Amazon deliveries
• A slow internet speed
• Passwords and QR codes
• Fast-food restaurants that use kiosks
• Pinterest ideas that appear impossible to mess up…until I try them
• Stop lights that stay red when no one is coming from the opposite direction

The list above includes modern inventions that are intended to make our lives easier, yet when they fail to do so, I become frustrated instead of being thankful for the times they do work. Why is that? In Luke 17:11-17, we read of 10 outcast lepers who were healed by Jesus. Lepers were no small deal (like my list above). They were considered permanently unclean, so they could not worship in the temple. They could not hang with their families and were cut off from society. They would gladly have changed places with me, complaining about such trivial things as my list above. Jesus curing them was no minor miracle.

Still, only one leper thanked him, and in no insignificant way. That leper fell at Jesus’ feet and loudly praised him for this miracle. Jesus questioned why the other nine just went on their merry way while only this one stayed behind to show gratitude. “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Questions asked in Luke 17:17,18. Being thankful was important to Jesus.

Typically, I love thanking people and look for ways to do so. Still, I need to do a better job of thanking God. Take this morning, for example. I had countless reasons for which to be grateful: life itself; opportunities to pray; a phone call from one of our children; a car that started; great friends; inspirational, Christian Instagram posts; Kleenex (allergies); and short lines at the post office. The list was endless, but only now, while writing this, am I thanking God.

In the Bible, the word “thanks” or “Thanksgiving” appears over 100 times, and no season reminds me of the need to show gratitude more than Easter. Without the Resurrection, we would be hopeless. The Bible would be just another history book, Christianity would be pointless, and none of us would have a chance to spend eternity with Jesus.

The next time I’m frustrated because my internet is weak or my Pinterest macaroons look more like a blackened pizza crust or I spend 15 minutes pushing the wrong buttons, trying to order an Egg McMuffin, I need to remember what’s truly important. Actually, I need to remember Who is the most important…and maybe fall at His feet when I do.

That’s what Easter is all about.

“The amount of good things in your life depends on your ability to notice them.” Anonymous

In the theater classes I teach, we are working on a new Improvisational Acting activity. The students line up across the front of the room, and starting with Student #1, he/she starts a sentence with “Fortunately.” “Fortunately, I passed Calculus.” “Fortunately, I just bought my first car.” “Fortunately, I’m not grounded this week.” Whatever comes to mind.

Then the next student starts a sentence with “Unfortunately” and must choose a sentence that counters whatever Student #1 has said. “Unfortunately, passing that one test did not bring my grade to passing.” “Unfortunately, the engine caught fire the first day I drove it.” “Unfortunately, I’m only ungrounded to babysit my little brother and sister.”

Student #3 must add to the story, this time with a “Fortunately.” On it goes until we go through the line a couple of times.

There are two reasons I chose this activity: (1) It teaches students Improvisational skills like keeping dialogue going and thinking on their feet, and (2) They are forced to consider both sides, especially the positive one (which seems more difficult for them).

This started when I began noticing far too much negative thinking as my students answered a Roll Call question. Last Tuesday was a perfect example. “What is the best thing about living in America?” was the question (a far different one from the usual, “What’s your favorite dessert?”). Most students couldn’t think of anything, and those who did, answered with, “Well, it certainly isn’t the government” or “Maybe chocolate?” or “Absolutely nothing.”

I took a few seconds to respond. “Nothing? I’m confused. You are sitting in a desk, getting an education paid for by other people. Did any of you sleep in a cardboard box in an alleyway last night? None of you are starving, and if you are, you know where to find snacks in my desk drawer. Clearly, you all have clothes on. You girls will be allowed to drive and get a job, choose your own husband and speak your mind. You all can protest peacefully if you want something changed, and you say, “Absolutely nothing?”

No one responded.

Since Covid, there has been an increasing sense of hopelessness and negativity. Even my students who attend a weekly church group exhibit a pessimism I did not see when I taught 13 years ago. I have to remind them to say “thank you” when I hand them a pencil or a brownie, and if I don’t, I wait for one of them to thank me and then announce to the whole class, “Thank you, “Roni,” for saying thank you.

In the Old Testament, we read that Jeremiah, the “weeping prophet,” watched as his nation, Israel, deteriorated. They were captured, the city of Jerusalem was destroyed, and he felt hopeless. Sometimes, I feel like weeping over the state of our country, and especially the mess we are handing off to our children and grandchildren. I remind myself that God has a plan. In spite of our sinful nature, He offers us a way out. And do we deserve it?

Absolutely not. If there is anything we need to notice, that truth alone should negate our pessimism.

Scripture tells me not to be angry. But I am. It’s spring break, Dave and I spent two days driving to Nevada (the state) to visit our grandkids and great grandkids, and I have spent much of my day, trying to contact Walmart here in Henderson, Nevada, to ask what time tomorrow I am to bring my vehicle in to have my tires checked. Twelve calls with no response. For the first five or six, I was fine. But now? I am upset.

This morning, I pulled up to the Automotive area at Walmart. Three bays were empty, and four employees were standing/sitting, doing nothing. A female employee turned me over to a male employee who announced that it was his time for a break. “Not until you service this woman,” she responded. Although pleasant, the young man was not happy. He checked my tires and said that nothing was wrong, but when I told him that one tire continues to go flat, he said that I would need to set up an appointment.

“What about now?” I asked (since there were no other vehicles being serviced). He said that they were full (i.e., it was time for his break) but set up an appointment tomorrow. He would send me the time via text. Which he did not do.

Twelve calls later (“Dial two for the automotive department”) to find out what time I am supposed to show up, my frustration is increasing. No one answers the phone, and when I call Walmart’s customer service representative, she tells me that there is nothing she can do except forward my call to the auto service area…the same area I have called twelve (now 13) times. I tell her that and she gives me a choice: “Either I forward your call, or I hang up.”

Each call to the automotive department is answered by a robot who says that they are “experiencing unusually high volumes of calls at this moment.” This does not happen in Fort Scott. There, someone answers the phone. I am used to Fort Scott. Am I asking too much?

As much as I hate to admit it, I need an attitude check. I find it much easier to say “If only…” “If only Walmart could get its act together.” “If only that customer service agent wasn’t so abrasive and actually showed a little compassion” (you know, what I did not show her).

For all I know, she was trying to keep food on her table for her five kids after her husband left her for another woman. Maybe she was working two jobs to help pay the medical bills for her ailing father. Possibly she had been yelled at by ten other customers, trying to contact the automotive department. Did I show her compassion? Tell her that I would pray for her? Even ask if she was okay?

We all know the answer to that. Actually, had I told her that I was a Christian, she probably would have started laughing. I demonstrated none of the qualities (fruits of the spirit) we are told to exhibit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galations 5:22-23 NIV).

Yesterday evening, I received the text with the time of my appointment. By then, I had decided to go elsewhere for my service and tried to text back to cancel. A large “X” appeared on my screen. Under it were these words: “Sorry…We’re having technical issues, but we’ll be back in a flash. Try again.”

This time, I had to laugh. Clearly an improvement. I think that Jesus would be proud.

A foolproof way to find out if you are a true, authentic friend is if you are thrilled when others have success.  No matter what happens to you.  No matter if they got the promotion you wanted, they got the book deal you prayed for, they were healed and you were not, they have perfect kids and yours spend more time in detention than in the classroom. No matter what!

This, of course, works both ways.  You will know if your friends are authentic if they celebrate your accomplishments when they themselves are struggling.  I have some friends who meet that description, but I wonder if I don’t have “a little” work to do in this area.

In Genesis 4, we read that Adam and Eve had two sons, Cain and Abel.  Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.  In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.  And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. 

Many of my Christian author friends admit they struggle with envy when they cannot manage to carve out time to write their second or third book, yet their fellow authors post about their 40^th book going to print or how a respected publishing company has offered them a huge endorsement. We (yes, I fall into that category) understand Cain’s frustration.

Frustrations over God’s generosity towards others aren’t a new concept. In fact, the idea that we are entitled to God’s blessings coupled with our irritation over God’s generosity to others is at the heart of the first recorded murder in Scripture. Big brother Cain is one unhappy camper when little bro Abel got the “atta boy” from God and he didn’t.

God does not comfort Cain.  He lets him know that if he does what’s right, he also will experience God’s favor.  Cain has a choice.  He can accept God’s sovereignty—even though he might not agree with it—or he can allow his jealousy and pride to rob him of what little peace he has.  We all know which he chose, ultimately ending with him murdering Abel.

Granted, no one I know—including me—has ever murdered because another author’s book received more accolades.  God does not suffer from limited generosity.  He blesses as He sees fit, meaning He blesses me in different ways than He does my friends.  Who am I to think that I deserve a blessing He has not given me?  God is limitless in His ability to love, show grace and mercy, and bless.  I should do likewise.

So, if you find yourself disappointed when others are the benefactors of something that you had hoped for, maybe even prayed for, God understands your feelings.  Nevertheless, like Cain, we have a choice to trust in God’s decisions to bless others (and be happy for them), or we can allow sin to take root and be consumed with a bitter heart.

I know which kind of friend I want to be.

Within a split second, I could have become a statistic when I came close to being run over by a speeding car. Dave and I were biking on a two-lane street, and the only reason I wasn’t turned into road-kill was that the female driver swerved into the far lane.  The only reason she wasn’t killed was that no one was in that lane.

It was my fault.  I pulled out of a side street, and instead of making a sharp right turn to stay on the edge of the road, I pedaled out too far in the direction of the car.  You know, the car with the driver with the right-of-way. The driver who fortunately was not texting or applying lipstick or smacking her kids in the back seat. The driver who was alert and paying attention.  Unlike me.

Dave was supportive.

“What in the world were you thinking?”

“Obviously I wasn’t.”

“Why didn’t you use your brakes?”

“Because I panicked.”

“Obviously.”

Sometimes, being alert is hard.  I’ve left my credit card, my favorite jacket, and even my kids when I failed to take care of what was important. But there is a day coming when staying alert will determine where we spend eternity, which, in my case, could have come from not paying attention while riding my bike.

In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV) we are warned.  “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”

Noah’s neighbors certainly were not alert when God warned that the flood was coming.  Only eight people believed and were saved. Lot warned his family that the city was about to be destroyed, but they did not listen.  Starting in Genesis, all the way through Revelation, we are bombarded with stories of individuals with their heads in the figurative sand.  Perhaps that description is fitting for us as well.

Hebrews 2:1 does not mince words. “Therefore, we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.” Jesus voiced the same priority: “Pay careful attention to how you listen” (Luke 8:18). Careful listening (staying alert) is the first step to faithful living.  It’s the difference between listening to a Bible app while also posting family pics on our Facebook account and giving God undivided attention to what He says.

Matthew 24 reminds us that being alert is critical. He warns his followers to remain steadfast and not be led astray by false teachings or distractions from the world. The command to “be ready” is not merely about anticipating His return but also about living a life that reflects His teachings and values—loving others, seeking justice, and maintaining a personal relationship with God.

“So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” Jesus emphasized that His return—for us—will be sudden and unexpected. This calls for believers to cultivate a lifestyle of preparedness.

You know, exactly what I did not do on that bike ride.

When Montana, my granddaughter, called to say that she and her fiancé, Ian, had set their wedding date, I was excited to put it on my calendar.  “February 3, 2026,” she announced.  Surely my calendar was wrong…or Montana was mistaken.

“Mo, that’s a Tuesday.”

“I know,” she declared, excitedly.

“Is this a destination wedding?” I questioned.

“No, Grandma, we’re getting married in Fort Scott…at my parent’s house.”

“Well then, where will the reception be?” I pressed.  Mo had it all figured out.  “It will be an outdoor wedding, and the reception will be inside their house.”  This was not my business to question.  Still, I questioned. “Mo, do you know what Kansas weather is like in February, not to mention, Tuesdays are in the middle of the week?”

“I know.”

“Then why did you choose that day?”

“Because God gave me that date.”

There was only one thing I could say: “Well, then, February 3 it is.”  As I later found out, that date, years before, had been one in which Mo made a heart-change to follow the Lord and trust that His ways are far higher than ours could ever be.  The wedding was a testimony to that.

Mo and Ian chose several “unusual” things for their big day (like a Ding-Dong wedding cake and a stadium hot-dog bar), not the least of which was to have actual church pews for the guests.  I mean, it’s not like church pews are available at Walmart, and no church that I know of would be amenable to loaning theirs out for an outdoor wedding.  Especially a February wedding.  But that’s where God did what only God can do.

As it turned out, someone had donated dozens of antique, wooden church pews to the nuns who live in Fort Scott.  The pews were in a semi-truck, waiting for volunteers to sand and stain them.  And that’s where Mo’s family and friends offered to help.  Weeks of work went into preparing the pews for the wedding ceremony, definitely a blessing to Mo and Ian, but God had plans much grander than the February 3 event.

The week before the wedding, the snow, wind and freezing temperatures caused schools and businesses to close. If this weather continued, how would we survive an outdoor wedding?  I envisioned wedding photos with icicles hanging from our nose hairs and updo’s ruined by earmuffs.  How could antique, wooden church pews endure freezing rain?

And then came Tuesday.  Bright, sunny skies.  Temperature in the mid-40’s.  No wind.

But the bigger blessing came after the wedding when volunteers from the Catholic Church delivered the slightly-used pews to the nuns who now would have beautiful, refinished pews for a lifetime.  It should come as no surprise that the One who orchestrates things like temperatures can turn a blessing for an hour into a blessing for a lifetime.  What a God we serve!

“For better or worse…”  The beaming bride and groom mimic the pastor’s words, vowing that no matter what happens, they are in this marriage thing until they drop. But what happens when, to their surprise, the spouse turns out not to be the kind, gentle, admiring soul he/she pretends to be?  What happens when that person is a narcissist?

Mayo Clinic defines the disease well: “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

Sounds like the “worse” part of the marital contract to me.

Mayo continues. “People with a narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors they believe they deserve.” Most narcissists wear one personality in public, another in private.

They are jealous, master manipulators.  The “love-bombing” they demonstrated when dating looks nothing like the actual mental illness they now demonstrate.

The Zoom Bible study I am in is reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s book, Why I Believe.  The renowned psychologist writes about a flight he was on in which he sat next to a young woman who asked what he did for a living.  When he told her, she shared the saga of her umpteenth breakup with her boyfriend, saying that his anger issues came between them as he repeatedly controlled/manipulated her when she behaved in a way he disapproved.

She explained.  “I can calm him down by agreeing with him, but I can’t always just give in.  I feel like I am losing myself.  So, we break up and then I go back.”  Cloud then replied, “There is an old saying: ‘If you rescue an angry man, you will only have to do it again.’”  She asked where he heard that quote.  “The Bible,” he answered.  “Proverbs 19:19. You should read it sometime.  There is good stuff in there.”

“I never knew that was in the Bible!” she said.

Cloud replied, “Yeah,” I know, I didn’t either, until I started to really read it.”  The author addresses narcissism in his book and shares that he finds the most effective psychology rooted in Scripture.  “Boundaries and limits to destructive behavior are taught throughout the Bible, and regaining control for oneself is a chief tenet.”

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this topic, narcissism, and I wonder if we all don’t have a little of this disease in us. We sort of like things to go our way, don’t we?  At least I do, like when instead of marriage being a walk in the park, it’s more like a 100-mile marathon in 100-degree weather in the hills of Arkansas. Instead of looking at our disagreement from Dave’s perspective, my vision is blinded by my wants, my desires.

I am grateful that for almost 53 years, we have weathered those marathons and have learned to work to seek good in each other.  For Dave, that’s easy.  (Riiiight!)

So, what’s a victim to do?  Pray.  A lot.  Especially before they take those vows.