Two of my closest couple friends have had the same experience in the past month, and it hasn’t been a good one.  Both of them joined couples’ Bible studies, hoping to meet new friends and grow in their faith.

One (“Lisa”) phoned to relive her nightmare with me.  She signed up at her church and was told the leader would contact her with information “soon” as the group was meeting in the next two weeks.      When Lisa heard nothing after eight days, she emailed Rose, the leader, to say how excited she was about joining and asking if there was a scheduled time and date.  My friend was floored by the response: “Well, are we a little impatient?  I have you on the list and will let you know when we are getting together” …which came via an email the following Thursday, announcing a session the next evening.

So as not to appear uninterested, Lisa and her husband, “Greg,” changed their plans to attend.  Besides the leaders, only one other couple was there, and for two hours, the guests listened to Rose and her husband explain how they hadn’t prepared anything so they would just discuss the Sunday sermon and visit which—you guessed it—was all about them.  It was downhill from there.

Today I had lunch with “Julie” and “Steve,” long-time friends who recently joined a mega-church and are loving it.  They too signed up for a couples’ study and were shocked that the leaders never asked them one personal question (where they were from, how long they had been Christians, how they started going to the same church, etc.).  Instead, the couple in charge spent the entire evening talking about themselves.  My friends didn’t go back.

I’ve known people like that.  Not many, but enough to realize that I don’t want them as close friends.  There is no give and take.  Only give.  (Or is it take?)  At any rate, I always question how they review an evening where they haven’t learned one thing about the other person.  Or are they excited because they found an audience willing to listen to their ramblings?

Everybody can teach us something.  Everybody! Proverbs 18:2 cautions us all to be wise and listen: A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion, a scripture echoed in 18:13: If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. 

As Christians, let us be mindful of the need to value others by learning about their lives.  Maybe, just maybe, we might learn a thing or two.