Last week, we looked at Samson, the man who began the work of deliverance for Israel from the Philistines but never saw its completion. His legacy would not be related to his leadership abilities but rather to his inability to recognize women who manipulated.

Most of us, thankfully, have not betrayed our spouses as Samson’s wives did.  However, before we come down too hard on them, we must realize that too many married partners are master manipulators who use looks, threats, paybacks, pouts, tears, or anger if they don’t get their way.  Many are so effective at pouting or verbal chastisement that the spouse tiptoes around them in an effort to avoid their partner’s wrath.  Household, vacation, and child-rearing decisions are made simply to have “peace at all costs.”

Professional baseball gave me an opportunity to watch as big bucks passed hands to assuage the athletes’ guilt for the long road trips they endured.  Diamonds got bigger.  Furs got furrier.  Purses and shoes got matchier. (You get the point).

Even if you, the reader, are not guilty of resorting to manipulative tactics, chances are you know people who are.  Perhaps you will recognize a few of their behaviors in the following category of comparisons.

You have a tummy ache?  I’ll have diverticulitis.  After all, it’s all about me.  Comparisons are typically directed at, and intended for, our spouse:

• “Sally’s husband is so romantic. Did I tell you what he did for her last weekend?”
• “I’ve never seen anyone who does more around the house than Karen’s husband.”
• “Hey, Mark, I heard that you just bought your wife a new car. You must be doing very well.” (said, of course, in front of your husband)

This has to be one of the easiest forms of manipulation.  A few words here, a few words there, and shazam! Suddenly we’ve planted some incredible seeds by which our spouses should measure their performance.  And even if we have convinced ourselves we do not intend to compare (probably a lie), even if we have not one critical bone in our body and sincerely mean to compliment (probably another lie), what good do those comments do?

Put the shoe on the other foot.  Any time our spouses are foolish enough to single out someone of our gender and praise his/her looks or behavior, we probably are a wee bit offended. Rarely (if ever) would we celebrate with them the beauty or accomplishments of this other person.  Can’t you hear it?  “Oh, honey, I agree.  Colleen has lost so much weight I hardly recognized her.  I think I’ll just get a few dozen Krispy Kremes and celebrate her success!

I don’t think there is a person alive who has not compared him/herself to others at one point or another.  She is prettier.  He is stronger.  She is smarter.  He is more spiritual.  Our nature is to see how we measure up.  That is a problem.  But it’s a bigger problem when we have a twinge of delight when we find that we have it a little better than they do.  Sadly, there is no win in comparison.

When we look at Philippians 2:3 (“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves”), we are reminded of the need to be humble enough to acknowledge others’ strengths and be delighted God has gifted them with gifts we need to appreciate, not covet.  Samson learned the hard way.  Let us not be as foolish as he.