In a scene from a movie I recently watched, the lead actor said, “You can’t rebuild a friendship without acknowledging what destroyed it.”  Losing a friend hurts.   I know.  What once seemed to be indestructible suddenly is shattered.  (S)he said something that makes you question the foundation on which your friendship was built.  You thought rock.  Your friend decided sand.

Let’s face it.  A great friendship—not just a good one–requires much.  Time (the ability to pick up where you left off, no matter how many weeks/months have passed, with no hint of guilt). Focused attention.  Empathy.  Majoring on the majors.  Putting your own needs aside.  And forgiveness, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.  I am blessed with friends from across the country as well as here locally.  I respect our differences and cherish our times together.  I call them my forever-friends, but I know the pain in having those relationships come to an end.

My best friend in grade school and I parted ways in junior high. We both entered public school after eight years in a Catholic school. We were besties.  Shared secrets, including boy-crushes.  Spent almost every Friday night roller-skating.  Tons of sleepovers.  Took turns leading each other around while one kept her eyes closed.  Nerdy?  You betcha.

But something changed in that junior high.  My friend got in with the popular crowd, and I did not.  I wanted to be in that group in the worst way, but my neediness, I’m sure, was a turn-off (that and a multitude of other issues).  With whom would I talk about the latest guy who had nothing to do with me?  Hold hands with as I skated backwards in an oval on those Friday nights?  Prevent me from walking into a tree when I pretended to be blind?

A couple of years ago, we had a chance to discuss what happened to our relationship.  Typical for most breakups, my gal-pal vividly remembered attempts to keep our friendship alive, none of which I shared.  I had a very different version of that ninth-grade year.  I imagine the truth lies somewhere in the middle of our two memories.

Sometimes, friendships dissolve painfully, and other times friendships are not meant to be. Proverbs 13:20 warns us of those times: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”  Other friendships need to end because God wants us to put our attention and energy somewhere else.  That, of course, does not mean that we become enemies or do not wish the best for the other person.

In the Bible, the story of David and Jonathan is one that regularly surfaces when friendship is discussed. Jonathan was the son of King Saul who, out of jealousy, sought to murder the newly-appointed king, David.  Jonathan’s loyalty to his friend was unwavering, warning David of his father’s intent to kill him and giving David his own robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt, items which would help to save his life.

In 1 Samuel 18, we read just how solidified their friendship was: “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”  To be loved by a friend “as to his own soul” is a special gift, but how much greater it would be to have that kind of love to share as well as to receive!  Sometimes, all we need to do is determine to knit our soul to someone else.  Finding a forever-friend is worth the effort.