When Montana, my granddaughter, called to say that she and her fiancé, Ian, had set their wedding date, I was excited to put it on my calendar.  “February 3, 2026,” she announced.  Surely my calendar was wrong…or Montana was mistaken.

“Mo, that’s a Tuesday.”

“I know,” she declared, excitedly.

“Is this a destination wedding?” I questioned.

“No, Grandma, we’re getting married in Fort Scott…at my parent’s house.”

“Well then, where will the reception be?” I pressed.  Mo had it all figured out.  “It will be an outdoor wedding, and the reception will be inside their house.”  This was not my business to question.  Still, I questioned. “Mo, do you know what Kansas weather is like in February, not to mention, Tuesdays are in the middle of the week?”

“I know.”

“Then why did you choose that day?”

“Because God gave me that date.”

There was only one thing I could say: “Well, then, February 3 it is.”  As I later found out, that date, years before, had been one in which Mo made a heart-change to follow the Lord and trust that His ways are far higher than ours could ever be.  The wedding was a testimony to that.

Mo and Ian chose several “unusual” things for their big day (like a Ding-Dong wedding cake and a stadium hot-dog bar), not the least of which was to have actual church pews for the guests.  I mean, it’s not like church pews are available at Walmart, and no church that I know of would be amenable to loaning theirs out for an outdoor wedding.  Especially a February wedding.  But that’s where God did what only God can do.

As it turned out, someone had donated dozens of antique, wooden church pews to the nuns who live in Fort Scott.  The pews were in a semi-truck, waiting for volunteers to sand and stain them.  And that’s where Mo’s family and friends offered to help.  Weeks of work went into preparing the pews for the wedding ceremony, definitely a blessing to Mo and Ian, but God had plans much grander than the February 3 event.

The week before the wedding, the snow, wind and freezing temperatures caused schools and businesses to close. If this weather continued, how would we survive an outdoor wedding?  I envisioned wedding photos with icicles hanging from our nose hairs and updo’s ruined by earmuffs.  How could antique, wooden church pews endure freezing rain?

And then came Tuesday.  Bright, sunny skies.  Temperature in the mid-40’s.  No wind.

But the bigger blessing came after the wedding when volunteers from the Catholic Church delivered the slightly-used pews to the nuns who now would have beautiful, refinished pews for a lifetime.  It should come as no surprise that the One who orchestrates things like temperatures can turn a blessing for an hour into a blessing for a lifetime.  What a God we serve!

Keys to the Kingdom
By Carolyn Tucker

Let ‘Em Have It

Hallie was my coworker/friend and I miss her. We worked together for seven years in the 1980s, so we came to know each other quite well. As time marched on, she spent her last days in a local healthcare facility. She was still sharp as a tack and when I walked through the door of her private room, she would enthusiastically greet me and immediately pay me a compliment on my attire or jewelry. Although my visits were to brighten her day, she made my day sweeter because she had mastered the art of heartfelt conversation by speaking forth good words.

Believers should do our best to live according to this scripture: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it” (Proverbs 3:27 NASB). Our faith is openly displayed in how we conduct our daily walk with God — which transfers into our relationships with people. If we truly revere God and practice His ways then we’ll want to treat our fellowman with kindness and goodness. It is no secret that it’s within our power to make or break someone’s day. Our attitude and words truly reach out and touch people, whether for good or bad.

We mustn’t withhold good from people when it’s within our power to do it. If an individual has done agood job, etc., then we should “let ’em have it” with positive words in a genuine compliment. If a friend is down in the dumps, we have the golden opportunity to cheer him/her up. So, “let ’em have it” with both barrels! Do you realize that people can often be cheered up with just an ice cream cone and friendly conversation? (I’m referring to bummer situations, not serious ones.)

As a rhetorical question, what does it mean to be a Christ follower? It seems that many Christians make it complicated. “You know of Jesus of Nazareth, how God anointed Him with the Holy Spirit and with power, and how He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him” (Acts 10:38 NASB). We used to sing a chorus entitled, “Your Love Compels Me.” The lyrics, written by Doug Holck, are simple: “Your love compels me, Lord, to give as You would give. To speak as You would speak, to live as You would live. Your love compels me, Lord, to see as You would see. To serve as You would serve, to be what You would be.“ This is uncomplicated theology, and a great place to start if you want to be like Jesus and go about your everyday life speaking good and doing good.

You’ll never go wrong by doing what’s right in God’s sight. “What is desirable in a person is his kindness” (Proverbs 19:22 NASB). We can have the whole world by the tail, but if we don’t give a hoot
about people, we’ve missed the mark of Christianity. Believers are known by our love for one another. That’s it — nothing more and nothing less. So don’t hold back from being good to people when you have the opportunity.

The Key: Be a do-gooder and “let someone have it“ with a genuine compliment…and an ice cream cone.
(Make mine chocolate.)

“For better or worse…”  The beaming bride and groom mimic the pastor’s words, vowing that no matter what happens, they are in this marriage thing until they drop. But what happens when, to their surprise, the spouse turns out not to be the kind, gentle, admiring soul he/she pretends to be?  What happens when that person is a narcissist?

Mayo Clinic defines the disease well: “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

Sounds like the “worse” part of the marital contract to me.

Mayo continues. “People with a narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors they believe they deserve.” Most narcissists wear one personality in public, another in private.

They are jealous, master manipulators.  The “love-bombing” they demonstrated when dating looks nothing like the actual mental illness they now demonstrate.

The Zoom Bible study I am in is reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s book, Why I Believe.  The renowned psychologist writes about a flight he was on in which he sat next to a young woman who asked what he did for a living.  When he told her, she shared the saga of her umpteenth breakup with her boyfriend, saying that his anger issues came between them as he repeatedly controlled/manipulated her when she behaved in a way he disapproved.

She explained.  “I can calm him down by agreeing with him, but I can’t always just give in.  I feel like I am losing myself.  So, we break up and then I go back.”  Cloud then replied, “There is an old saying: ‘If you rescue an angry man, you will only have to do it again.’”  She asked where he heard that quote.  “The Bible,” he answered.  “Proverbs 19:19. You should read it sometime.  There is good stuff in there.”

“I never knew that was in the Bible!” she said.

Cloud replied, “Yeah,” I know, I didn’t either, until I started to really read it.”  The author addresses narcissism in his book and shares that he finds the most effective psychology rooted in Scripture.  “Boundaries and limits to destructive behavior are taught throughout the Bible, and regaining control for oneself is a chief tenet.”

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this topic, narcissism, and I wonder if we all don’t have a little of this disease in us. We sort of like things to go our way, don’t we?  At least I do, like when instead of marriage being a walk in the park, it’s more like a 100-mile marathon in 100-degree weather in the hills of Arkansas. Instead of looking at our disagreement from Dave’s perspective, my vision is blinded by my wants, my desires.

I am grateful that for almost 53 years, we have weathered those marathons and have learned to work to seek good in each other.  For Dave, that’s easy.  (Riiiight!)

So, what’s a victim to do?  Pray.  A lot.  Especially before they take those vows.

Keys to the Kingdom

By Carolyn Tucker

Dumbest Question Ever

The last time I was at an out-of-town doctor’s office, I asked an honest dumb question.  I’d already been to this medical clinic twice, so when I arrived for the third appointment the receptionist handed me the iPad so I could check myself in. I know the drill, but I asked, “Do I have to do this? I was here four weeks ago and nothing has changed.” She replied, “Yes. That’s the only way we can check you in.” I wasn’t having especially happy thoughts as I sat there wasting my time answering the same questions with the same answers as last time. In retrospect, here’s a brilliant question: Why can’t the check-in process be two simple questions: “Are you here?” “Has your personal information changed?”

Here’s the backstory to James and John’s dumb question: “As the time drew near for Him to ascend to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. He sent messengers ahead to a Samaritan village to prepare for His arrival. But the people of the village did not welcome Jesus because He was on His way to Jerusalem. When James and John saw this, they said to Jesus, ‘Lord, should we call down fire from heaven to burn them up?’ But Jesus turned and rebuked them. So they went on to another village” (Luke 9:51-56 NLT). Obviously, James and John utterly misunderstood their Master and His mission.

I doubt that Jesus was shocked when these two disciples asked if they could burn the Samaritans to a crisp because they rejected Him. For Jesus had previously nicknamed them the “Sons of Thunder.” Perhaps James and John thought that calling down fire would demonstrate their zeal, love, and loyalty to Jesus. But Jesus let them know that they were to have a different spirit. They were to practice love, mercy, forgiveness, and forbearance. Burning up people was not on Jesus’ to-do-list. He didn’t come to destroy sinners but to give them the gospel and an opportunity to repent.

Jesus knew James and John’s fiery dispositions when He called them to be His disciples. But they had to learn the right way to use their enthusiasm properly and in the Spirit of Christ. They needed to use it against Satan and evil, not to destroy the very ones Jesus came to redeem and save.

After such an outrageous question from the brothers, Jesus may have rolled His eyes, shook His head, and sighed. We know they were reprimanded for their hateful attitude and proposal of revenge. After being with Jesus for years, shouldn’t they have known they were asking a dumb question? No matter, He didn’t miss the opportunity to teach the  boys of thunder that following Him meant they were to live a life of compassion.

Jesus’ deep empathy and love for humanity is beautifully illustrated throughout the four gospels. “But when He [Jesus] saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd” (Matthew 9:36 NKJV). Jesus still has compassion for all the lost and hurting people who will welcome Him into their life. Now we, as Christ followers, are to do the same.

 The Key: Stop asking dumb questions and start showing some compassion.

Several months ago, I wrote about my friend who was having a double mastectomy. Her surgery was complicated because she had zero body fat needed to reconstruct her breasts. When I told Dave, his response did not surprise me. “Did you tell her that you—I mean we—could donate some of ours?” After sharing that with my friend, we both cracked up (she more than I).

My friend is now home from the hospital. We spoke yesterday. The evening before, it hit her: part of her womanhood was permanently gone. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she teared up but then felt a nudge to turn on her television. There was Nick Vujicic, the evangelist born with no legs or arms, speaking about how God had used his disability to give people encouragement. She knew that God had offered her that nudging so she would refuse to feel sorry for herself.

The pity pot can be such a cushy place to stay, can’t it? When life is all about me, it can become my frequent resting spot. But what would life look like if I chose, instead, to find my comfort in Jesus’ loving arms? I would no longer dwell on how my troubles seem to outweigh God’s ability to make things better and would focus on Romans 8:28 which reminds us that all things work together for good “for those that love the Lord” and are called according to His purpose.

“For those that love the Lord.” What does that kind of love entail?

The Bible gives us a great example of Joseph who, though experiencing serious injustices, loved the Lord and refused to live with a victim mentality. Genesis 37:12-28 tells us that his jealous brothers threw him into a pit and then sold him to Egyptian slave traders who sold him to Potiphar, Pharoah’s captain of the guard.

Potiphar favored Joseph and put him in charge of his household…until, that is, Potiphar’s wife falsely accused Joseph of assaulting her and he was thrown in prison. Once released (over a decade later), Pharoah put Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. From the pit to the palace.

You see, Joseph never suffered from self-pity. He always trusted that God would make something good out of something bad, and he was right. God wants to do the same for us. We never should get comfortable on the pity pot, an oppressive trap of the enemy. Matthew 5:14-16 tells us why. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Staying on the pity pot will keep us immobile. Joyless. Stuck on our wants. Unable to forgive and move on. Bitter. Selfish. And in a very, very dark place. If we want our light seen by others, we, like Joseph, must decide where it can shine best.

Keys to the Kingdom
By Carolyn Tucker

Grin Like a Possum

(I know the proper spelling is “opossum” but I’m choosing the Southern spelling.) When I was in sixth grade, our music teacher would roll the piano into our room and we would sing, sing, sing; I loved music class! We had a variety of songs in our book and the teacher would often let us choose what we wanted to sing. I remember singing about a possum: “Possum gravy can’t be beat, hi-a-way, hi-a-way home.” I’ve never had possum gravy, so I have no idea if it’s the best – I’ll just take the songwriter’s word for it! I’ve seen a possum bare its teeth and it looks like a big grin – a very ugly big grin.

For humans, what’s in a smile? Well, a smile is an affordable way to instantly improve our looks! A smile is a natural heartlift for the person who sees it. There are unspoken words in a smile, e.g., “You’re valuable,” “You’re appreciated,” “You’re doing a good job,” etc. My mom once told me, “Smile at people – it costs you nothing.”

A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face, a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day” (Proverbs 15:13 MSG). When we smile at people, I think it actually helps them get through their day. When I accidentally nearly run over someone with my grocery cart, I’m hopeful that my apology and smile helps them to forgive me. (There’s a blind spot when I’m turning from one aisle to the next – I need a horn and a turn signal on my cart!)

Our countenance is important because it affects us, plus those who see our face. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (Proverbs 17:22 NLT). If you think you have nothing to smile about, think again. “Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? I fix my eyes on God and soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God” (Psalm 42:5 MSG). And remember that your smile is not about you, it’s about the person with whom you’re interacting. We need to smile for the other individual’s benefit; no doubt he/she could use it to brighten the corner of their world.

In the movie Top Gun Maverick, there’s a short dialogue between Captain Maverick and the Chief Warrant Officer Bernie Coleman. Right before takeoff for the test flight to hit Mac 10, Bernie says to Maverick, “I don’t like that look, man.” Maverick retorts, “It’s the only one I got.”

I sure like the look on Robin’s face when I see her twice a week. When I walk into the reception area of the fitness center, she flashes her big beautiful smile and makes me feel welcome and loved. Her instant nonverbal message says, “It’s good to see you; I’m glad you’re here!” What a big difference her genuine smile makes to everyone’s day! I just realized why she looks 20 years younger than her actual age – it’s because she smiles a lot! It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so Robin is living proof that’s true because she doesn’t have any wrinkles!

The Key: Do yourself and everyone else a big favor – smile!

Last week, I wrote about Jesus’ command for us to be salt, to add flavor as witnesses for him. Salt makes a difference. So should we. Unfortunately, too many Christians fail to recognize the need to make a difference in others’ lives. We are spoiled, we are selfish, and we fail to impact others the way that salt impacts food.

Adam, our son, recently traveled to Nigeria with some of his E3 Foundation team to look for ways to help with the Christian murders taking place in that country. His group had an opportunity to speak with 25 widowed women living in a refugee camp whose husbands recently were killed by an evil terrorist group determined to wipe out those who disagree with them.

Adam shared that the widows’ faith was remarkable. They trust that God works all things for good and for His glory, and He is the One they want to honor. Their husbands had been buried in a mass grave, they were left to parent their children alone and with no income, yet they chose to live out their love for God in a way everyone could see. They are salt, even though they are targeted to be killed.

Of the 4,849 Christians murdered for their faith worldwide, 3,490 were in Nigeria, according to “Open Doors’ World Watch List 2026”, yet overall, over 56,000 Nigerian civilians have been killed. The armed murderers, Fulani Muslims, enter villages with the sole intent to slaughter anyone who disagrees with them (largely, undefended, Christian farmers). The murderers have raped and abducted hundreds of victims, including children.

Nigerian churches abound (one boasts a seating capacity of over 100,000 people), yet with no guns for self-defense, they cannot physically defend themselves. Nevertheless, they do what they can to be salt. They create a thirst for the truth of scripture by offering hope to these villagers to help them live out their faith in a meaningful way.

Christians are called to be a preserving influence in society, helping to maintain moral and ethical standards and resisting corruption and decay. How do you show your saltiness? Do you recognize that your only purpose on this earth is to improve others’ lives? How do you flavor a conversation? An action? Are you an encourager? Fun? Adventurous? If you choose to keep to yourself and not spread your salt to others, you are missing an opportunity to fulfill your purpose, to make a difference.

We must engage with the world around us, to bring out the best in others. Like those Nigerian widows, we need to create spiritual thirst in others by living in such a way that others are drawn to the hope and joy they see in us. Let’s pray for God’s help in removing anything from our lives that diminishes our saltiness.