Keys to the Kingdom

“I Forgot to Remember to Forget” is a rockabilly/country song written by Stan Kesler and Charlie Feathers and was first recorded by Elvis in 1955. I especially like songs with a  great hook — a phrase that catches my ear and makes me think. The first time I heard this song, it made an unforgettable impression on me. Certain experiences in life are better forgotten than remembered. For example, if someone says or does something that hurts you, it’s best to just drop it, leave it, forget it, and move on.

Good memories are a source of comfort and joy that we can cherish forever. And bad memories aren’t to be wallowed in, but forsaken and left in the past. Jesus makes it quite clear that believers are to live our lives forward. “Jesus said to him, ’No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind] is fit for the kingdom of God’” (Luke 9:62 AMP). Forget any negative circumstances that lie behind you and plow ahead toward God’s excellent master plan. Looking and living in reverse will severely hinder your ability to live the abundant life that Jesus died and arose to give you.

Most everyone has a tendency to revisit painful memories, but it should just be a flash of remembrance for believers. God doesn’t want us to dwell on (or live in) the past. You’re no good to yourself or your loved ones if you’ve been “out to lunch” since 1987. Make the decision to let go of past sorrows and disappointments. God’s grace is bounteously given to help us overcome all of our hurts, as Paul plainly instructs us. “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are [our inner being is] being renewed every day” (2 Corinthians 4:16 NLT). He restores my soul — this is a “now” healing. God is an ever-present help and He needs us to keep heading toward our destiny.

In the Old Testament we find an amazing declaration spoken by Joseph in Genesis 41:51 ESV: “God has made me forget all my hardship.“ Obviously, God didn’t give Joseph amnesia, but He enabled him to live abundantly blessed in the present. His hurtful past was simply a fleeting memory because Joseph chose to focus on the goodness of God.

I taught piano for 25 years and, occasionally, it was necessary to instruct a student on the proper technique for correcting mistakes. If a student messed up in the middle of the piece, sometimes he/she would stop and start all over from the beginning. I would ask, “If you were on your way to Pittsburg and had a flat, after you changed the tire, would you drive back to Fort Scott and start the trip all over?” A straightforward explanation about moving on was all the student needed in order to correct a bad habit and faulty mindset.

Believers cannot successfully accomplish anything without fully depending on Christ Jesus. Since we are in Christ, we have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to hold onto our hope. “So these are two things that don’t change, because it’s impossible for God to lie. He did this so that we, who have taken refuge in Him, can be encouraged to grasp the hope that is lying in front of us” (Hebrews 6:18 CEB). Don’t look backward, because hope is in front of you. My retired Navy pilot friend has often stated, “The runway behind you ain’t no good.”

The Key: Don’t forget to remember that God’s power equips you to forget an ugly past.

Selected Data

As with most rural communities, Bourbon County is a mixed bag of advantages and disadvantages that at once move us forward and hold us back.  I have spent the last year writing about what we need to do to strengthen our weaknesses and leverage what we do well.  To round out year one, let’s take a look at some selected data from the 2020 Kansas Statistical Abstract to give us a general sense of how we are doing.

Per capita personal income in Bourbon County is $46,149, which ranks us 71^st out of the 105 counties in Kansas.  Greeley County is number one, with almost $100,000 in per capita income, more than double our number.  Of the SEK counties, we rank first.  The worst SEK County? Montgomery at $39,041, placing them at 104^th; Crawford is only slightly better, ranking 103^rd.  Interesting side note, two Kansas counties have consolidated the county government with that of the largest cities within the county: Greeley and Wyandotte; ironically, Greeley ranks number one in personal income, Wyandotte dead last at 105.

Bourbon County does better when considering what percentage of our residents 25 years and older have a high school diploma; that number is 91.3%, which ranks us 57th in the state.  In this category, Allen and Crawford bested us at 91.9% and 92.1%, respectively.  These three SEK counties have respectable rankings near or above the top half of Kansas counties.  These are important numbers for future workforce development.

Our shining statistic is median age, in which we rank 28^th at 38.2 years; not bad for small town America.  As you might expect, Crawford County is much younger than we are with the median age at 32.6 years, ranking them in the top 10.  The balance of the SEK counties rank behind us, with Linn County as the oldest of the bunch at 44.8 years.  The youngest county in Kansas?  The home of the Wildcats: Riley County at 24.3 years.  Only four Kansas counties have a median age below age 30; the other three are Geary, Douglas and Seward.  Jewell County ranks as having the oldest residents in the state with a median age of 52.5.

Lastly, we have two challenges in this list of general statistics: unemployment rate and food stamp participation.  While we rank better than our neighbors on unemployment, our year-end 2020 number of 5.6% ranked us 88^th in the State.  Hamilton County is number one at 1.7%, while our most populous county, Sedgwick is dead last at 8.7%.  Food stamp participation is our Achilles Heel: we rank 104^th at 12.2% of residents.  Only Wyandotte County is worse at 12.8%.  As you might expect, the most food independent county in Kansas is Johnson at 2.1%.  Obviously, we are the bottom of the “food chain” in SEK.

These are not terrible numbers considering the challenges we have faced in the last 40+ years.  There is much upon which to build, and problems to solve.  Our economic development team has these important statistics in view, along with many others, as we invest our resources in Bourbon County.

Kenny Rogers made famous the song “The Gambler.” Occasionally, I find myself reciting a line from his lyrics: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” I sing those words when sometimes—thankfully, not very often–I just have to give up.

For my own, mental, well-being. Guilt, be gone. Have you been there? A boss finds nothing but fault in your work. No praise. Only complaints. You know there is much to compliment, but the applause is used for co-workers who join him after work for a drink, not you. Your teacher uses you as her verbal punching bag, making your homework assignments “unacceptable” examples to your classmates, calling you out for forgetting a date in your heading or a crease in your page. Teacher’s pet you are not. A sibling pushes your buttons at every family function, reminding the relatives of the times you wet the bed when you were eight or were the last one chosen for the team dodge ball competition or were voted “most likely to never marry” (and you never did) in the mean-kid, middle-school group text. A “friend” attempts to make you feel guilty with passive-aggressive comments about how you let her down, always adding “LOL” afterwards in an effort to minimize the obvious criticism. “Well, I see you must be really busy because you can’t seem to find time to call me. LOL” “Of course, you would choose Becky over me. She always was your favorite. LOL” These are not fictional stories. I know the people to whom these incidents have happened.

One of my favorite Christian books that addresses the issue of guilt is Boundaries authored by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Written to people who absorb guilt like Mike Lindell’s towels absorb water (at least, that’s what we’re told), the authors teach the readers to know when to say no in order to set healthy, biblical boundaries for themselves.

I appreciate how PhD Jamie Turndorf puts it in Psychology Today: “Nobody can take you on a guilt trip, if you aren’t willing to pack your bags and take the ride.”

Easier than it sounds. Because sometimes, that means that after you exhaust loving communication tactics, you walk away. Perhaps, even run.

“Jessie,” a dear friend of mine, joined Al-anon when her best friend’s alcoholism began to ruin their relationship. At her meetings, Jessie learned that when Sue called her and was drunk, she was to say, “Sue, I can tell you have been drinking. Please call me back when you are sober. I love you.” Then she hung up.

At first, Sue was livid, phoning Jessie nonstop to guilt her into listening. Ultimately, she got the message. Romans 8:1 is a Bible verse that we should all memorize: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… If Jesus doesn’t remind us of where we mess up, then no one else should, either.