If you are planning a Pity Party, don’t forget to add Manipulation to your guest list.

Oh, never mind.  It will figure out a way to come on its own.  When I was young, it was a regular.  Envy would lead; Manipulation would follow.  (“I want to feel good about myself…how can I make that happen?”)  Yes, indeedy, games-playing had free reign at many of my events.  Even my husband, Dave, was prey to my scheming.

The following dialogue is as close to truth as I can remember.  Dave’s version may be a slight bit different, but his is wrong. Let’s call this dramatic scene “The Confrontation.”

“What do you mean, you ‘won’t coach’ with me?  They are desperate.” “Patty, I know nothing about soccer.  I’ve never even seen a soccer game.  Let somebody coach it who is an expert at it.”

“Expert!  No one in Fort Scott is an expert on soccer.  It can’t be that hard.  Besides, I promised everyone at the meeting that you and I would team-coach.  What’s the big deal?  Kids run up and down the field and try to get a ball in a net.  We’ll coach Jeff” (our then-five year old son) “and learn together.” Two or three seconds passed.  Silence.  An obvious gesture my husband was weakening.  Time to take advantage…

“They’re five year olds, for crying out loud.  We….”

Dave never let me finish my rehearsed list of reasons. “I’m not going to do it.  That’s all there is to it.”

EXCU-U-USE ME?  Dave obviously had missed the part about me publicly signing us up. Didn’t he realize I had a face to save here?  The whole town would be talking about how he had refused me.  Dave had the wisdom to go to the garage and look busy.

Are you a manipulator?  Always scheming to get others (even God) to tap-dance on command?  If so, you are in the majority.  Many people I have met have learned every possible ploy to help others (especially spouses) be all that God wants them to be.

We don’t have to look far in scripture to find one man whose pitiful life was directed by manipulating women.  Judges 13-16 is the story of Samson who married a beautiful Philistine woman who comprised a riddle to trick her bridegroom into telling her the secret of his incredible strength.  Madame Manipulation at her finest.  Squeezing out some phony tears, she professed, “You don’t love me,” and soon Samson gave up his secret.

Lots of fun pictures for that honeymoon scrapbook.  Read the story.  Samson was abducted, blinded, and ultimately died.

There is no end to the way we can play games to get what we want and then sulk when we don’t.  We compare our spouses or kids (or whomever) to others who do things so much better.  We offer favors to those who can help us get what we want.  We flatter those whom we want in our corner.  We use silence, anger, tears or guilt to get our way.

John MacArthur said, “A person who truly loves someone else doesn’t try to get anything out of that person.  That’s because godly love is never conditioned on a response—it is unconditional.”

Since that incident, I have had literally hundreds of requests for Dave’s baseball services. I must admit, my first reaction is to say “Yes,” especially to close friends, knowing how terrific he would be for the task. I’m proud of his abilities and glad to share them…even if he isn’t.  But I have learned to show him the consideration to ask him only once.  I certainly don’t want to be put into the same category as Samson’s wife.

Only on a few occasions do I ask him twice.  And three times is my absolute limit.