While talking with my recently widowed friend, I listened as she shared some of her emotional journey. She said something I never had considered: her desire is that, at the moment she dies, she will be in the middle of praying blessings for other people.

Get that?  Not blessings for herself.  For others.  The thought never crossed my mind. Well, the thought of dying has crossed my mind.  Every time I get on a plane, I question how I will react if we nosedive.  Will I scream to my fellow passengers “Choose Jesus” or just pray I lose consciousness before we hit the ground?  When my husband drives too close to the vehicle in front of us, I am not praying blessings on other people.  I just grab the passenger door handle and slam on my pretend brake, a PTSD reminder of my crash over a year ago.

My preferred method of dying would be in my sleep, but if not that, then while hanging with my grandkids.  Of course, they might be traumatized if I keel over while rolling Playdough worms with them, so I should try to consider less shocking (and more spiritual) ends…like my friend.

Compared to her, my thoughts have been selfish.  Where do I start to destroy these desires? Mark 8:34 makes it sound so simple.  He tells us to forget about ourselves.  We are to “deny” ourselves, take up Jesus’ cross and follow him.  That cross simply means not to be concerned about our circumstances but live a life that blesses other people.

Still, selfishness comes so effortlessly, doesn’t it? Never has a baby been born who wasn’t egocentric. We don’t have to teach children how to be selfish.  It is part of human nature.  If ever there was a little tyke who daily asked, “What else can I do to help this family?  I don’t need to go outside and play.   I just want to unselfishly give of myself,” I’ve never met that little saint. The only time I heard my kids offer to sacrificially serve in our home was when they wanted money or permission to hang with their friends.

Selfishness doesn’t end with little ones.  Professor Jay Hoffman of The College of New Jersey writes, “If you don’t think most of humanity is selfish, try going shopping early on Black Friday…Or try yelling ‘Fire’ in a crowded theater. And driving anywhere these days one sees a horrific display of selfishness. Drivers are aggressively competing to get ahead of each other…”

The truth is, you and I are selfish.  We need to remind ourselves to put others first, to look for ways to bless them before we bless ourselves.  It is not a challenge the Holy Spirit cannot handle, but we must be willing to seek his will when confronted with choices of “who comes first.”      I daily battle this sin.  I want the thermostat set so as not to replicate a walk-in cooler.  I struggle when multiple vehicles take advantage of me and merge in front of my car.  I want the shortest line in the grocery store, and I have no problem taking the last bag of Fritos off the shelf.     Galatians 5:20 calls selfishness one of the “works of the flesh.” James 3:16 says it leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” Selfishness ruins friendships (Proverbs 18:1) and hinders prayer (James 4:3).

Sin (selfishness) and love cannot coexist. We need our minds transformed. That happens when we allow God’s love to move through us so that we can love others the way He wants us to love.  I’m pretty sure that includes praying blessings on others instead of myself.