“When all you see is your pain, you lose sight of God.” The movie The Shack was recommended to me by several Christian friends. Others pointed to its lack of Biblical truth and refused to watch it. I opted to focus on its elements that line up with my personal faith. The quote written above was one of those moments.
A marriage counseling couple from Detroit came to visit my husband and me. Our friendship began in the late ‘70’s and has continued to this day. They shared how difficult it is to reach others for Christ who choose to host a never-ending pity party. Just recently, after eight years of off-and-on meetings with one particular couple, our friends told the husband and wife that they would continue to pray for them but could see them no more.
“Eight years?” I asked. “I wouldn’t last eight sessions. Did you give them homework and ideas for things they were to work on?”
The answer was yes, every meeting, but nothing changed. Our discussion turned to John 5:6 where Jesus approaches a paralytic and asks, “Do you want to get well?” I’ve written articles on this verse before, and our friends said this couple was an example of individuals who do not.
If you are involved in a prayer chain, chances are you have been introduced to these types of people. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but week after week, year after year, their names appear, their symptoms varying from illness to work issues to family disputes. Tom Ehrich, an Episcopal priest and writer for “Religion News Service,” called complainers “narcissistic.” “Whining makes me the center of everything,” he wrote. A little drastic, in my opinion, because at least these people are seeking prayer. What’s wrong with that?
Nothing, until that becomes their identity. I have two friends whose lives are relentless trials and setbacks, yet they never complain and continue to trust in God’s goodness. If they add their names to a prayer list, things are pretty bad. But let’s face it, some people don’t want to do their part to get well.
Do you remember the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead? Lazarus exited the tomb bound with graveclothes and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to the witnesses, “Loose him, and let him go.” Simply being raised from the dead was not enough. Lazarus needed to be unbound. The victim mentality allows Christians to remain in graveclothes that keep them wrapped up in their circumstances. They have made a declaration of faith in Jesus Christ but choose to attach themselves to defeat, refusing to change their focus to 1 John 4:4: He (God) who lives in you is greater than he (Satan) who is in the world.
These grumblers suffer from spiritual amnesia, rarely following up with thankfulness by crediting God for pulling them through their difficulties. That’s because their “rescuer” is people or a prayer chain or, like in my friends’ counseling experience, someone else willing to listen to the wife’s litany of gripes. (And yes, if you are wondering, that marriage ended in divorce.)
My heart aches for people who choose to focus on their misery. Most of the time, my prayers for them have nothing to do with their circumstances but all to do with them seeing how their complaints have become their label. Look again at the quote from The Shack: “When all you see is your pain, you lose sight of God.”
The remedy comes in Colossians 3:2: Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.