Kenny Rogers made famous the song “The Gambler.” Occasionally, I find myself reciting a line from his lyrics: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” I sing those words when sometimes—thankfully, not very often–I just have to give up.

For my own, mental, well-being. Guilt, be gone. Have you been there? A boss finds nothing but fault in your work. No praise. Only complaints. You know there is much to compliment, but the applause is used for co-workers who join him after work for a drink, not you. Your teacher uses you as her verbal punching bag, making your homework assignments “unacceptable” examples to your classmates, calling you out for forgetting a date in your heading or a crease in your page. Teacher’s pet you are not. A sibling pushes your buttons at every family function, reminding the relatives of the times you wet the bed when you were eight or were the last one chosen for the team dodge ball competition or were voted “most likely to never marry” (and you never did) in the mean-kid, middle-school group text. A “friend” attempts to make you feel guilty with passive-aggressive comments about how you let her down, always adding “LOL” afterwards in an effort to minimize the obvious criticism. “Well, I see you must be really busy because you can’t seem to find time to call me. LOL” “Of course, you would choose Becky over me. She always was your favorite. LOL” These are not fictional stories. I know the people to whom these incidents have happened.

One of my favorite Christian books that addresses the issue of guilt is Boundaries authored by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Written to people who absorb guilt like Mike Lindell’s towels absorb water (at least, that’s what we’re told), the authors teach the readers to know when to say no in order to set healthy, biblical boundaries for themselves.

I appreciate how PhD Jamie Turndorf puts it in Psychology Today: “Nobody can take you on a guilt trip, if you aren’t willing to pack your bags and take the ride.”

Easier than it sounds. Because sometimes, that means that after you exhaust loving communication tactics, you walk away. Perhaps, even run.

“Jessie,” a dear friend of mine, joined Al-anon when her best friend’s alcoholism began to ruin their relationship. At her meetings, Jessie learned that when Sue called her and was drunk, she was to say, “Sue, I can tell you have been drinking. Please call me back when you are sober. I love you.” Then she hung up.

At first, Sue was livid, phoning Jessie nonstop to guilt her into listening. Ultimately, she got the message. Romans 8:1 is a Bible verse that we should all memorize: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… If Jesus doesn’t remind us of where we mess up, then no one else should, either.