How To Bathe the Cat by Patty LaRoche

Patty LaRoche


  1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
  2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.
  3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
  4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so he cannot escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase he can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.
  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash and rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
  6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
  7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
  8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.


The Dog

My cat-owner friends might not find humor in these instructions. That’s because a kitty lover’s idea of cat-care can be radically different from a dog’s idea. It’s all about perspective.

Perspective has a Latin root meaning “look through” or “perceive.” Our perspective is the way we see something, and if based on our biases, can really mess with how God wants us to view His creation. We all know that different perspectives have been known to destroy nations, ruin marriages, cause financial ruin, lead to addictions and incite volatile political arguments.

One Bible story calls attention to perspective. The Israelite soldiers viewed Goliath with fear and trepidation, thinking he was so big he could not be killed, but the young shepherd boy, David, trusting in God alone, saw the giant as a threatless pest who was so big, he couldn’t be missed.

I fear that most of us view some of our perspectives as “giant” differences without taking time to see how God views them. All people are made in God’s image. Should I see others only from my biased (white, Christian, female, conservative) perspective, I will have a narrow comprehension of who God is, and that is the problem. In all candor, it’s my problem.

Recently, for example, I was visiting with a manager of a large company in California. He recently had undergone “sensitivity training” where he learned that there are 53 identifiable genders he needs to understand. (“Healthline” has identified 64. I looked them up.) My first reaction was NOT “I need to understand how God views these distinctions.” It was more like “That’s soooo out of whack!” And since Jesus’ greatest commandment is that we are to love, as a Christian, my perspective cannot permit me not to love those who view things differently than I, no matter how out of whack I think they are.

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