
Author: A Little Faith Lift…Finding Joy Beyond Rejection
www.alittlefaithlift.com
AWSA (Advanced Writers & Speakers Assoc.)
Years ago, when I was counseling a young woman in an abusive relationship, I recommended the book Boundaries by Dr. Hendy Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Years before when I read it, it left a profound mark on my life. I hoped it would do the same for her. The book’s message is clear: although we are called to love, we must protect ourselves from harmful, toxic people, provided, of course, we have tried looking past our differences and betrayals and chosen to love. That’s the hard part.
Why not just walk away? Because God created us to be in community with one another. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” No qualifiers are given. Solomon doesn’t say, “Just be sure the other people are like you, share your values/interests and never disagree with you.” But what if those people really test our boundaries (like the Mean Mom in last week’s article), and we want to bang our heads into a concrete wall every time we are around them?
Here’s where it gets sticky. The first thing we need to do is to ask ourselves if we have any ownership in this destructive relationship. I mean, if we completely cut disagreeable people out of our lives, we probably won’t have many friends, and there’s a great chance we deserve to be in that “disagreeable” group. Maybe that’s why Jesus himself said to “love others as ourselves.” Sometimes–most times–the only way we can do that is to ask the Holy Spirit to guide our thoughts and words. He has been faithful to show me at least one redeeming quality I need to glean from every irritating person I’ve met.
The first week we were in Las Vegas, Dave and I met Clare, a woman who asked if we play pickleball. She wanted to know how long we had played and told us about a group that meets every morning at 7:00 and that she would add us to the list. We could start “tomorrow.” The following morning, we walked onto the court where ten other people had gathered. “Rita” approached us. “Uh, I’m sorry, but these courts are reserved for a group that meets every day at this time.” I told her that we had been invited.
“Who invited you?” she said, curtly. Dave held me back from pulling her tongue out and politely told her about Clare. “Well,” Rita continued, pulling out her phone, “I don’t see you anywhere on the list.” At that time, an elderly man approached us. “What’s going on here?” I explained that Clare had invited us to join but we had just found out that this was a closed group.
“What?” he said, clearly embarrassed. “This isn’t closed. You definitely can join us.”
And then Rita sent me into Crazyville. “That’s exactly what I was telling them.” Had Dave not been with me, I think my paddle would have left its mark on her face. \
Clearly, Rita and I would be friends.
Or so I thought. But the more I was around Rita, the more I liked her. Over the next few weeks, we played pickleball together often. I found her to be considerate and kind, and I learned a valuable lesson. We cannot judge a potential friendship until we have given it a chance to flourish. One time never should be our gauge to determine if we give it that chance. Maybe I need to remember that the next time I encounter a Mean Mom in the grocery store.