Author: A Little Faith Lift…Finding Joy Beyond Rejection
www.alittlefaithlift.com
AWSA (Advanced Writers & Speakers Assoc.)
Maybe “Cranky” should be allowed at times. I know some Christians who believe otherwise, but instead of us preaching to those dealing with crankiness, maybe we need to give them a pass. You know, a simple “I cannot imagine what you are going through.”
Better yet, maybe an “I’m here to help.” And then help.
Take caregiving, for example. According to a report issued by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, 42 million Americans provide assistance to older family members. Forty to seventy percent of family caregivers report clinical symptoms of depression, and 23% claim that caregiving has negatively affected their physical health. And get this! A Stanford University study reported that 41% of Alzheimer’s caregivers die from stress-related disorders before the patient dies, and caregivers have a 63% higher mortality rate than non-caregivers.
Yesterday, a friend copied a letter from a Christian woman who is struggling with 24/7/365 caregiver duties. “Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling cranky.” Talk about heaping pain upon pain! Caregiving duties are exhausting. Those individuals have not only their own physical limitations that provoke them to grouchiness but also the needs and wants of the person they are tending. Add to that an emotional involvement with the loved one they care for, and it’s no wonder they are not skipping merrily along.
Talk to people trying to keep an advanced Alzheimer/Dementia family member in their home, never knowing if that person will stray from the house, cuss them out, slug them or make unreasonable demands on them. “Pick those spiders off the ceiling.” “Sit here and talk to me, Don” (the deceased spouse). “Cook something I like for a change.” “You look ugly today.”
Years ago when I was teaching, I would arrange for my speech students to go to the nursing home to play Bingo with the residents. Typically, the high schoolers were terrified of the elderly, but my goal was for them to learn to communicate with everyone, no matter the age. Each student was assigned a Bingo partner who, as it turned out, took the game seriously. After all, there was a quarter to be won.
We had been playing for about 10 minutes when Chad mouthed to me across the table that his companion-lady told him to cheat. What should he do? I shook my head “no” and he told her that he could not do that. She threw a fit, yelling at him for not being her friend. As an aide pushed her wheelchair away from the game room, she continued her tirade.
Rosalyn Carter said it well: “There are only four kinds of people in the world–those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.” According to Pastor David Huss in his article “Helping the Helpers,” “Caregivers need to watch for exhaustion from the details, frustration from not having time for self, guilt for wishing they did not have those attitudes and feelings, anger that other people don’t help more than they do and concern that personal irritability will affect their caregiving and personal health.”
Couple the demands on the caregiver with the lack of affordability for a reprieve from their duties, and it’s no wonder these individuals get cranky. When they seek support from fellow Christians who insensitively recite Colossians 3:23 (“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart…”), well, there’s that guilt thing again.
So, today I’m playing the part of a spiritual counselor for those caretakers who are burned out. Today, you get a “Cranky Pass.” No guilt allowed. It’s called grace. Don’t thank me. I’m just passing it on from the Lord.